Magical thinking messed with my finances
Long before I ever became a life coach, I discovered a book called Your Money or Your Life, by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. Reading that book and others and creating steps for myself based on those readings completely transformed my relationship with money and it's what allowed me and my husband to pay off our house, accumulate a really hefty savings on two teachers' salaries and have what felt to us like a very indulgent life at the same time. It also allowed me to live my dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail. I basically quit my job and went off to hike for six months, which was one of the most fantastic life experiences of all.
When I came back, I worked as a consultant for educational organizations and set up my own tutoring business, still using the money strategies we'd perfected before I left for my hike and still doing quite well.
Then I enrolled in life coach training, about four years ago. Along with the absolutely amazing training I received that has been instrumental in making me a great coach, I found myself interacting with a whole new group of people, many not from my particular coach training organization, in this coach-y world, many who had a very different approach to finances - something more along the lines of: spend large amounts of money on spiritual teachings and training after training, and then trust the UNIVERSE to provide. Law of Attraction and all.
I'd been doing really well with my common-sense approach. Pay attention to your money. Spend it on what you need. Indulge in what really feels good rather than what you think is going to feel good. Save for big purchases or for emergencies.
Suddenly I was surrounded by people throwing large sums of money around in ways I was not used to at all. Once you get into "coach land" there are folks out there promising a "six-figure" this and that. Give them a lot of money and they'll help you "manifest" a lot of money, via the new skills you'll learn about building your business along with all that alignment with the universe stuff.
General skeptic that I am, I was careful with my money and stuck to my original plan, seeking only a few trainings from people I had vetted and who I thought offered something valuable in return for my investment. I tried not to be distracted by others I saw who signed up for a new course, product or training for hundreds or even thousands of dollars every couple of months or so.
Overall, my strategy worked out pretty well. Even beginning a brand-new business, we stayed out of debt and I took the time to grow slowly. But as a new business owner, completely responsible for all of my business expenses and with no real sense of what things should cost or what I needed, I made spending errors too-- either on over-priced services or on things I simply didn't need.
You know when I would spend the most money? When I was afraid. And money spent in fear is often not well-spent. You can embroider that on a pillow, for sure.
I also tried a bit of magical thinking around money. If I simply believed, would the universe provide??
Not necessarily.
Here's when magical thinking works. It works when it inspires you to get to work creating, or to pay attention to opportunities you didn't think you were worthy of. It works when it gives you the confidence to show up and be seen.
Here's when magical thinking doesn't work: when you take no action. When you start counting a $500 windfall more than once - counting that money to pay for $500 worth of expenses three different ways.
Magical thinking doesn't work when you focus on income without considering expenses. When you have no idea how to account for your time. Magical thinking doesn't work when you hide from the reality of your financial situation.
In my Indulgent Path to Money Management Class that starts in two days, I'll be teaching only the most practical magic. The magic of paying attention. The magic of learning not to need more than you really need. Of learning to spend in alignment with your values. Of learning to note what is coming in and what is going out. Of the complete energy shift that will happen for you when you have plenty saved either for a trip, an emergency, or some other important project. The magic of honoring the worth of your own work.
Whether you're salaried, hourly, or own your own business, the steps I teach, common-sense though they are, really work. They are not made of fairy dust. They require you to look closely. To truly see.
Happily, the results can be quite magical.
If you're in need of practical support in a small group to focus on your finances in a way that you've been putting off, this course is perfect. If you're ready to pay attention, this course is perfect.
Have questions? Click here to listen to a Q&A call about the class. Or email me with questions about whether it's a good fit for you.
Four weeks beginning March 1, 2016. Call in to the live class at 1 p.m Central or 6:30 p.m. Central each Tuesday.
There will be handouts, daily actions, inspiration, a private group, and more!
$99 with a guarantee that you come out ahead at least that much by the end of the course.
Ready to sign up? Click here
Have questions? Shoot me an email! carla@livingwildandprecious.com
What If You Went Through The Day Like An Angel?
Me as an angel. Photo: S. Boles
Last night I was an angel. With real feather wings. My group walks each year at the very end of the solemn, candlelit, beautiful 12th Night Joan of Arc Parade-- we are the angels who accompany Saint Joan, in the form of a white dove, to heaven.
We walked with our gloved hands in prayer position, and as I glided past the throngs of people gathered to celebrate the start of Carnival season, I did my best to think like an angel. I telepathied these words to the people I saw, some with phones held high to record the moment, some directly meeting my gaze: "You are loved." I thought this over and over. I spread it liberally across the crowds. "You are loved." I had nothing to hand out, no throws to distribute, so I didn't have to pick and choose who would receive my outpouring of love. I pictured the love simply wafting over the crowds.
And I thought to myself, what if I did this every day? What if I sent angelic telepathic messages to the people around me - and beyond? After all, angels need not be impeded by distances.
As I walked along the parade route, in my silvery velvety angel garb, I wanted so to see and send love to each person individually. There were far too many people to be able to do this, at least with my decidedly human and un-celestial senses. Sometimes it seemed overwhelming to behave as an angel would. So many people, each with their own lives, hopes, dreams, worries. It seemed impossible to share that much love.
But I propose that we keep trying.
What if we lived daily like angels?
When we are going about our routines and we see strangers, we often judge. This homeless person looks young and capable. Why isn't he working? This person is frowning. Why are they being so angry? This person looks like they are not taking care of themselves. Why don't they choose healthier food or exercise? This person isn't using their turn signal. Why don't they learn to drive properly? Any time a voice like this enters our heads, it doesn't even feel like us. It's as if the disembodied chants of some judge-y Greek chorus entered our heads and shocked us with their nastiness. Those voices lead us to reserve our love as if it is a limited resource, like a handful of Mardi Gras beads, only to be distributed to the deserving.
What if we remembered that love is infinite and never depleted?
What if we behaved like angels, sending out the simple words, "You are loved." To everyone. Whether they're managing their finances properly or not as we eye their checkout items, or making the right decisions about their wardrobe and hair, or whatever other external thing catches the attention of the inner judge-y voice that doesn't even belong to us.
Try this in traffic. Try it in the store. Try it at the mall. Try it on Facebook. "You are loved."
Extra credit: Try it in the mirror."You are loved." Look that beautiful human in the the reflection. Spread that abundant love over yourself and then over everyone else. Let's all be like angels for a day.
Me with the other angels. Grateful for this photo by S. Boles
One Word That Changed Things For Me And It's Not What You Think
We spent a beautiful Thanksgiving at the beach and at the beginning of the trip I asked for amessage of guidance. The next morning I woke up with the memory of one word:
Satisfied.
I was fascinated - why did this one word feel so good?
What if I went through the rest of the vacation allowing myself to feel satisfied in each moment? I had so much goodness around me - could I be satisfied? All weekend I kept repeating the word in my head. Satisfied. Satisfied. Satisfied. It felt so "just right" - not wanting or seeking, not overloaded with too much. Satisfied.
We are surrounded by so many messages, especially at this time of year, encouraging us that there's something more we need. Under no circumstances should we feel satisfied, ever. There's always more possibility, more potential, something bigger and better up ahead.
Our brains are actively scanning for the next thing. On our phones, on our computers, as we're driving or shopping. No sense of closure. No spot to mentally rest. So many demands on our attention and so many possible solutions to our dissatisfaction.
Have you noticed this too?
I've been continuing to play with the word "satisfied" now that I'm back home, and seeing how I can apply it to my actions, my state of being, my experiences.
What I'm describing sounds similar to a gratitude practice, but for me right now the word "satisfied" feels even more powerful than "grateful". We can be grateful about the absence of bad things. Satisfied implies that all is well.
It doesn't imply that there is no change coming - we can be satisfied with our approach to a problem, or satisfied with our desire for a change. It's different than contentment as well - we can be satisfied with our discontent, without needing to jump right away. Satisfied feels like a place to breathe.
I do have plans, things to be done, the tree is up but un-decorated, and there is much going on in my life as I'm sure there is in yours. I'm still making space, physically and mentally, for what I'd like to create in 2016.
But in the midst of the planning and the doing, wow - what a lovely thing to be satisfied with myself and where I am in the process of my life. To be satisfied with my efforts, with my approach - with what I get done and don't get done each day. To wake up satisfied, to go to sleep satisfied, to be satisfied with the arc of my experience- that just feels like peace.
If this feels intriguing to you, I encourage you to try it. Spend the rest of today and tomorrow feeling satisfied. See how that shifts your energy.
Why Everything Is Ok Even When It Seems Otherwise
If you're already feeling that odd pressure of too much - too early decorations, too many things to think about now that the holidays are nearly here, too many lists and things to consider, I invite you take a break, relax for a few minutes and let's figure out together how OK things really are.
Too much to catch up
When I was in college, I corresponded with friends with letters. Snail mail was the only kind of mail there was, and I loved seeing a handwritten envelope waiting for me in my little postal box in the student center.
I was better at receiving than sending mail. I would start a letter with the best of intentions, then new things would happen and situations would change, and what I'd begun no longer applied in the same way. So I'd begin again. Or recompose in my head. If a month or two went by, there was so much to catch up on that the whole task became daunting. Intellectually I knew I could jump in anywhere, but emotionally I wanted my friends to have the whole story.
This still happens to me. Papers, correspondence, dishes, clothes - things can go from just fine and practically organized to "too much to catch up" in one or two days.
I solve this by jumping in, not worrying about what's already passed. Once I begin, tasks that had grown Everest-sized in my mind are easy to complete and don't take as long as I thought they would. I'm re-energized and everything is indeed OK.
I've also learned (about a million times) not to wait until it's perfect. I'm so close to having everything ready on a new website that I can share with you with a pretty new email design to match. But it's not yet ready, so this interim "designed by me the non-designer" will be more than OK.
Try this right now with one thing you've been putting off that's grown large and overwhelming in your mind. Figure out the first small step you can take, set your timer for five minutes, begin, and feel your energy surge. Ahhh. Everything is OK.
Stepping Beyond Your Fear
I stood alone at the base of the granite rock face. I’d hiked over 1,000 miles, but nothing I’d encountered was as challenging as the trail in Maine. I was more than a little afraid. If I was going to climb over this rock, then I would have to do it on my own.
I had come this far and I wasn’t going back. I took a breath, cinched my pack straps and folded my poles. Now, I could use my hands. I climbed forward, one foot at a time. I grabbed for roots when I could and I trusted my shoe wouldn’t slip on the tiny ledge of rock. Little by little I climbed, up and down, over and over. Twenty days later, I made it. I stood atop Mt. Katahdin, the highest point in Maine.
I had no choice but to pull myself out of my fear. Each time I find myself stuck in a scary place, I go back to that moment to rediscover how I can learn and grow.
Start with one small step. Let yourself make the smallest step you can. Confidence grows by taking action. Small steps over time add up. Once you’re moving you can make adjustments to your path.
Review your successes. Find the part of your problem that looks like something you’ve tackled before. When I gazed up that steep rock in Maine, I realized I had already learned everything I needed to know. I had climbed every mountain on the AT since I began the trail. Recognize how your accomplishments have given you the skills you need for your new challenge.
Widen your perspective. Back up and see the big picture. Whenever I reached a viewpoint on the trail, I stopped to see how far I’d come. Three summits away, I could see where I had breakfast. Step back from your project for a broader view. Even better, go for a walk to clear your head.
Envision the completion. Take a few minutes each day to envision everything working out perfectly. Be detailed and specific. Add in sights, sounds, smells, color and emotion. Relish the feeling of success. I pictured standing at that Katahdin sign many times when I was still huddled in my tent miles and miles away. Allow yourself to savor the moment. Then get back to your journey.
Gather your allies. Ask for help from those who know you best. They’ll remind you why you’re meant to achieve the goals you’ve set. The support I received via letters, calls and Facebook messages from friends and family during my 2,000 mile journey was invaluable. Your friends and allies will give you energy and renew your hope. They see your capabilities and believe in you.
When you’re facing a challenge, know your fear will not disappear. Once you realize this truth, you will be free to move forward and accomplish your goals. Georgia O’Keefe said it best:
“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”