What If You Went Through The Day Like An Angel?
Me as an angel. Photo: S. Boles
Last night I was an angel. With real feather wings. My group walks each year at the very end of the solemn, candlelit, beautiful 12th Night Joan of Arc Parade-- we are the angels who accompany Saint Joan, in the form of a white dove, to heaven.
We walked with our gloved hands in prayer position, and as I glided past the throngs of people gathered to celebrate the start of Carnival season, I did my best to think like an angel. I telepathied these words to the people I saw, some with phones held high to record the moment, some directly meeting my gaze: "You are loved." I thought this over and over. I spread it liberally across the crowds. "You are loved." I had nothing to hand out, no throws to distribute, so I didn't have to pick and choose who would receive my outpouring of love. I pictured the love simply wafting over the crowds.
And I thought to myself, what if I did this every day? What if I sent angelic telepathic messages to the people around me - and beyond? After all, angels need not be impeded by distances.
As I walked along the parade route, in my silvery velvety angel garb, I wanted so to see and send love to each person individually. There were far too many people to be able to do this, at least with my decidedly human and un-celestial senses. Sometimes it seemed overwhelming to behave as an angel would. So many people, each with their own lives, hopes, dreams, worries. It seemed impossible to share that much love.
But I propose that we keep trying.
What if we lived daily like angels?
When we are going about our routines and we see strangers, we often judge. This homeless person looks young and capable. Why isn't he working? This person is frowning. Why are they being so angry? This person looks like they are not taking care of themselves. Why don't they choose healthier food or exercise? This person isn't using their turn signal. Why don't they learn to drive properly? Any time a voice like this enters our heads, it doesn't even feel like us. It's as if the disembodied chants of some judge-y Greek chorus entered our heads and shocked us with their nastiness. Those voices lead us to reserve our love as if it is a limited resource, like a handful of Mardi Gras beads, only to be distributed to the deserving.
What if we remembered that love is infinite and never depleted?
What if we behaved like angels, sending out the simple words, "You are loved." To everyone. Whether they're managing their finances properly or not as we eye their checkout items, or making the right decisions about their wardrobe and hair, or whatever other external thing catches the attention of the inner judge-y voice that doesn't even belong to us.
Try this in traffic. Try it in the store. Try it at the mall. Try it on Facebook. "You are loved."
Extra credit: Try it in the mirror."You are loved." Look that beautiful human in the the reflection. Spread that abundant love over yourself and then over everyone else. Let's all be like angels for a day.
Me with the other angels. Grateful for this photo by S. Boles
Why Everything Is Ok Even When It Seems Otherwise
If you're already feeling that odd pressure of too much - too early decorations, too many things to think about now that the holidays are nearly here, too many lists and things to consider, I invite you take a break, relax for a few minutes and let's figure out together how OK things really are.
Too much to catch up
When I was in college, I corresponded with friends with letters. Snail mail was the only kind of mail there was, and I loved seeing a handwritten envelope waiting for me in my little postal box in the student center.
I was better at receiving than sending mail. I would start a letter with the best of intentions, then new things would happen and situations would change, and what I'd begun no longer applied in the same way. So I'd begin again. Or recompose in my head. If a month or two went by, there was so much to catch up on that the whole task became daunting. Intellectually I knew I could jump in anywhere, but emotionally I wanted my friends to have the whole story.
This still happens to me. Papers, correspondence, dishes, clothes - things can go from just fine and practically organized to "too much to catch up" in one or two days.
I solve this by jumping in, not worrying about what's already passed. Once I begin, tasks that had grown Everest-sized in my mind are easy to complete and don't take as long as I thought they would. I'm re-energized and everything is indeed OK.
I've also learned (about a million times) not to wait until it's perfect. I'm so close to having everything ready on a new website that I can share with you with a pretty new email design to match. But it's not yet ready, so this interim "designed by me the non-designer" will be more than OK.
Try this right now with one thing you've been putting off that's grown large and overwhelming in your mind. Figure out the first small step you can take, set your timer for five minutes, begin, and feel your energy surge. Ahhh. Everything is OK.
Craving company during the holidays? 7 ways to be merry with others
It's the most social time of the year and you're home with your houseplant. Are you away from family and friends, maybe in a new city? Are you feeling lonely, bored, or antsy? Do you gain most of your your energy from time with people? Here are seven quick tips when you need the company of others during the holidays.
1. Scan Meetup groups, Facebook events, or your local newspaper. In the social media era, there are always so many cool things going on and they're easier and easier to find! Don't be afraid to go alone - you'll surely meet some kindred spirits to conspire with!
2. Volunteer. Soup kitchens. Homeless shelters. Old folks homes. There's no better cure for solo ennui than striking up a conversation with someone who could really use the company. Be present and compassionate for others and feel your spirits lift!
3. House sit for someone with a dog, and head to a dog park. Meet other friendly dog people and enjoy the romping excited energy of happy pups! Or just volunteer to take a busy friend's dog out for the afternoon.
4. Create your own random kindness activity. Hand out candy canes or flowers. Write sweet notes and pass them out. Bake cookies and set up a "free cookie table" at a nearby park. Be creative. Maybe someone will video you, it will go viral and you'll end up with a spot on the Today Show! :)
5. Go to a class. Fitness. Yoga. Pottery painting. Cooking. There are so many fun ways to hang out with others and learn something too.
6. Make your own party, large or small. Invite new friends to a cookie baking party. Or a wine tasting, or holiday card writing. Or Netflix watching. Or something else you love but would love to do with someone else. Ask one or two people to join you for breakfast, lunch, coffee, a walk, or your other favorite thing. It's really common for people to assume that everyone else is busy during the holidays, but it's not true! Ask and you'll be surprised who's also looking for company!
7. Just open up and smile. Strike up conversations with strangers. It's amazing how people want to share but don't always perceive the invitation. Be a good listener. When you find someone whose personality resonates with yours, stick around.
If you're new to town or just finding yourself on your own it's easy to believe that everyone else is already set with a scintillating social life and no room for you. But the truth is there are plenty of other people out there looking for something fun and happy to do with someone kind and pleasant - you!
And if some of your invitations and welcoming overtures are turned down, that's ok! Don't let one"No, I can't make it this weekend" mean anything except that person is busy, tired, or maybe trying to get some down time - see link below!
Need quiet time during the holidays? 9 ways to get some space.
Are you an introvert who plays an extrovert on TV? Or are you simply a straight-up introvert? Try these tips when you need a break from the parties, the football games, the relatives, and the crowds.
1. Offer to house sit. Then you can go to someone else's empty home and visit with their cat or plants or whatever you're watching. You'll have an oasis of quiet and you can get away any time by simply exclaiming, "Oh! I just remembered! I need to go to _______'s house and feed their bird/cat/iguana/boa constrictor."
2. Take a walk. Before or after a meal, at half time, in the morning, at sunset - these are all great times to say, "I'm going out for a walk. I'll see y'all in about a half hour or so." If people want to join you and you'd prefer to be completely alone, explain that you'll be doing a silent walking meditation. Which brings us to a wonderful alone-time option:
3. Meditate. Sometimes people understand "I'm off to do my daily meditation" better than "I really need some alone time." So whether you have a rich and fulfilling meditation practice or not, you can go to a room, close the door, and be by yourself, whether you're silently chanting a mantra or just relaxing with your thoughts.
4. Nap. Jet lag. General holiday exhaustion. Getting over a cold or the flu. A late night of partying. There are so many reasons to offer why you might need to spirit yourself away for a delicious restorative nap. If you're not tired but just want to be alone, you can bring a magazine or book under the covers with you. Holidays are made for napping. Find your favorite cozy spot and prioritize the daily holiday nap.
5. Go running. If you're an athlete, there's nothing like a solo run to clear your head and give you space for yourself. Pop in your favorite tunes, put on your headphones and hustle out the door. Or choose to take in the sounds of nature - breezes through the branches, rustling leaves, crunching frost underfoot- you'll be restored in no time!
6. Volunteer to go to the store for the last minute grocery items/batteries/baked goods/whatever. Sure, you'll have to brave the crowds, but you don't have to interact with strangers except to smile peacefully, so it's almost like being on your own! Then take an extra detour on the way home, stop at a park or a view-- or just sit in the parking lot! - and enjoy five or ten minutes of quiet for yourself.
7. Take a long bath. Add a lot of bath salts. Light some candles. Climb in and close your eyes. Ahhhh.
8. Go to a museum, house of worship or other quiet indoor space. If you're in a place where temps are below freezing, you can get your alone time inside. Even in the most crowded museum in New York City, you'll find rooms and galleries where there's hardly a soul. Relax on a bench and stare at a painting for 20 minutes. Or go to a place of worship, light a candle and sit in silent contemplation.
9. Just stay home. There's no rule that says you have to attend every social event that's available. If you're 18 or over, even if you feel social pressure to be everywhere, know that you have all the choice in the world to do what you really want. Take advantage of that. Unplug your phone, disconnect your computer, make some tea or hot cocoa and curl up with a good book. If you need to, tell folks you'll be out of town. Then stay put and enjoy. Ahhh.
Get Permission For What You Want
My mentor, Martha Beck, says it all the time. The coaches I hang out with online talk about it constantly. Create a life of rest and play. Rest and play. Rest and play. It sounds so wonderful. But how do you actually do it? How do you give yourself permission to really live life that way?
The holidays are a perfect time to try shifting your life to one of more rest and more play. The best way to do this is to listen to your body. Chances are, your body is craving rest and you're ignoring it because there's so much to do, do, do! Try listening. Try using my sweet cat (or your own pet, as long as it's not a gerbil - they're pretty hyper) as a role model. Lay down. Let out a nice deep sigh. Really rest. Then rest some more. Rest until you honestly don't want to rest anymore.
If you have small kids, a demanding job, or other stuff that keeps you from resting, just do your best. Even if all you have time for is the deep sigh, let your body feel that "resting in place" feeling, while you breathe a couple of really sweet breaths. And then look for how you can gift some rest to you and everyone around you. Skip the party. Chuck the cookie making. Dump a couple of your holiday expectations in favor of something slow and easy.
I'm still learning about rest, but when I do it makes such a difference. I haven't been sick with a cold or other illness in a LOOOONG time and I think it's partly because I let my body rest.Especially if you've been sick at all, give yourself permission to rest. (I can tell already - I'll be focusing on rest in 2014 - it's what we all need!)
Once you're rested enough? Think about play! What feels fun? No, really. What feels fun?Mary Poppins was right. Work feels more fun when you add in some play. (That's the other thing I'll be focusing on in 2014, beginning with playful ways to manage your $$!) I have a pretty play-filled life as it is. but I'm always looking for ways to enjoy life more, worry less, and help you do the same.
What felt fun and playful to me this week was making sock dolls with my fifth grade mentee, coaching some amazing clients, hosting a "virtual campfire" with the wonderful women of Wild and White Blazing, taking silly selfies in the green room before going on TV to talk about "holiday p*rn" (on The 504, Wednesday at 9 p.m.!), enjoying cocktails at the famous Sazerac bar with 15 wonderful wild and precious ladies, and best of all? Getting free tickets to the holiday home tour to peek in on some serious holiday opulence with my sweetheart. Oh, and then there were the Acrocats... see below for more on them! Wow - sometimes I forget how much fun I have!
Go back over your week. Was there enough fun? Does it help to remind yourself of the good stuff? Is there enough in your life that feels like play? What can you switch up to create a more play-filled week? Having trouble giving yourself permission for fun and play? Reply to this email with your questions and I'll answer them in an upcoming post! (And if that activity list above made you tired just reading it? Go back to resting! Give yourself permission to rest!)