Stop Waiting, Choose Happiness, and Success will Follow

A fortune cookie in New Orleans told me, “Be happy, it’s a way of being wise.”

Happiness comes first. At some point I was taught happiness comes from your achievements, but that is not true. It is your default state. It leads to better health, less stress, better decision-making, stronger relationships, and more solid business practices. When you choose to be happy, then success will follow.

Trust the process. It is less daunting than it appears. Here are five steps to begin your happier life:

1. Act in your own sphere of power and influence. Much of what causes distress comes from trying to control people and situations you don’t have power to change, be it the stock market or the weather. Focus on what you actually can control and take action in those arenas. Then you will gain freedom to spend your time where you have a genuine impact.

2. Seek truth to find meaning. When you are truthful about what you really want, when you stop pretending something is ok when it’s not, when you really listen, then you will find clarity and peace. Happiness comes from living a meaningful life, and your work is to determine what holds meaning. It takes courage to hear your own truth and follow it, so trust that this is the path to fulfillment.

3. Practice gratitude and kindness. Reading about kindness or knowing about gratitude is different than putting it into practice, just like knowing about nutrition and exercise doesn’t automatically make you healthy. Challenge yourself daily to show kindness to both strangers and people you know. Begin as a seven-day game and get creative. Let it be fun, and feel the shift in your energy.

4. Seek connection. When you are unhappy, your natural instinct is to withdraw, and connection is what will bring you back into the world. Connecting with people, nature, or your deeper self is more important than your fear of being seen as vulnerable or in pain. Take the time to reflect on a moment when you were happy, and see what connections made that possible. Seek out those connections every day.

5. Stay in the present moment. Take this moment to find something to be happy about. Our senses are designed to absorb the present. Look around and see all the colors. Then listen to the sounds. Feel that you are absolutely fine in this moment. You probably have had enough to eat, have a roof over your head, and are surrounded by incredible abundance. Sometimes the simplest awareness can return you to a place of gratitude and peace.

All of the emotions, including fear, anger, and sadness, have an appropriate time and place, though happiness is different. When you choose to be happy, you will find yourself being a better friend, being a more loving family member, and being more confident in your career.

Stop waiting, and move forward.

Are You Brave?

Are you Brave? 

Seriously.  Do you consider yourself a brave person? Or do you, like me,  save that terminology for firefighters and ER doctors? 

Recently, I’ve had several different friends tell me how brave they think I am.  They’ve called me brave for hiking the AT on my own.  For running my own business.  They’ve called me brave for something as simple as wading into a golden-colored, clay-bottomed creek on a hot summer day, unworried about the little fish nibbling at my legs.

I laugh.  

Me, brave?  

No, really, I protest.  

I’m a giant ‘fraidy cat.    There are millions-- billions!- of people so much braver than me.  Brave as defined by media and popular culture. Like soldiers.  Or Caitlyn Jenner.  Or like moms of kids with cancer, spending hundreds of days at St. Jude Hospital.  Or the kids themselves.  Or people who have it hard.  Who work hard.   Who have overcome trauma or genuine struggle.  So many kinds of brave. 

I’m just a regular person.  Doing my thing, in a mostly ease-filled life.  I don’t see myself as brave. 

Maybe you don’t feel very brave either.  Your mind might only be noticing all the things you aren’t doing because you’re scared, ignoring all the brave steps you’re actually taking. 

Truth is, it takes bravery to do so many things in this world.  To try something new.  To take a big or small risk.  As one of my clients recently said, to go ahead and “do it scared.” 

 Here are some ways my clients are being brave right now: 

Having a deeply honest heart to heart talk with their significant other about a topic both have been too frightened to bring up for years. 

Taking concrete steps to create a dream business even though it feels like such a distant possibility, and then feeling the possibility draw closer and closer. 

Making self-care something that actually happens in real life instead of just in their imagination. 

Leading their employees from a newly stable and compassionately focused position. 

Envisioning an ideal future that’s so beautiful, it brings tears to their eyes, then realizing it really isn’t that unreasonable to believe it could happen. 

Setting new and powerful boundaries with family and friends, and being surprised at how quickly those fresh boundaries are respected and even appreciated. 

Realizing that what they wanted when they were 30 is different than what they want now, and that’s ok. 

Discovering that there’s not one “right path” and that the one they choose will be the perfect one for the time. 

Realizing they’re not responsible for their family members’ happiness, and discovering how much this brings new peace and ease to their interactions. 

Deciding to stop watching television news because it’s upsetting and not actually helping anything, and there are other ways to stay “informed.” 

Being willing to tell or hear the truth even when it’s hard. 

Little steps of bravery that bring big rewards. 

Are you brave?  I bet you are.  And even when you feel like you’re doing something relatively easy for you, you’re inspiring someone else who sees you taking action they can’t quite yet manage, or being someone they aspire to be. 

Take a moment to think about this past week or month. Tell me a way you’ve recently been brave.  I would love to hear.  Mine are below. 

And when someone calls you brave, own it.  It’s true.

So my brave stories - Let's see. Well there was a week in early June out on the Appalachian Trail in Virginia with four amazing women- a lot of bravery happened on that trip!  Want to see what it was like in video form?  Click here to check out this sweet video compilation by Shutterbug,  one of the intrepid souls who joined my AT Sojourn - we had such fun and everyone reached at least one new personal best! 

Even braver for me lately is dancing - most recently performing at a fundraiser for hundreds of people with my dance group, Les ReBellles. That's me below, third from the left, in the Can Can portion of the song.  Cllick the picture to watch the video - there are even chairs involved!  The progress I've made dancing and performing this year has been truly life-changing, and the growth I've seen in myself boggles my mind. Not to mention the friendships I"ve formed with my incredible fellow dancers! 

I wish the same exhilaration for you this summer.  Step out and do something brave - something just for you. I can't wait to hear about it! 

What's your Nicole Kidman?

This week I saw this adorable segment from the Jimmy Fallon show where Nicole Kidman was his guest.  And she reminded him that they met about 8 years ago when she came to his apartment with a mutual friend. In the segment, on national TV, as they both recount their memories of this meeting years ago, Jimmy finds out that Nicole liked him and might have dated him.  It's a complete revelation.

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Watch the segment here:

Seems that at the time even though he was on SNL, Jimmy didn't think he was worthy of the attention of a superstar like Nicole.  Even when she showed up on his doorstep, he couldn't believe it or take any action around it.

So here's my question for you:  What are you unaware that you're worthy of?  What kinds of amazing opportunities are showing up at your doorstep, literally or metaphorically, that you're missing because you can't see them?  What gifts is the universe bestowing on you that you haven't even noticed are there?  What's your Nicole Kidman?

I've been asking myself this question for two days.  I am doing my best to open my arms and receive, receive, receive all the good that's coming to me, and I encourage you to do the same.

You (yes, you!!) are worthy of fabulous opportunities, travel to exotic locales, happiness, awesome relationships, a daily routine that invigorates and inspires you, wonderful friends, and anything else you can picture.  That's the trick - you have to be able to picture it.

Poor Jimmy couldn't picture himself with Nicole back then and so it didn't matter that she was right in front of him, in living color.

(The good news is that today Jimmy and Nicole are both happily married to other people with kids of their own, so the universe has a way of working things out.)

But you? Right now?  Don't wait.  Start opening your eyes to the gifts and possibilities right in front of you.  They are there, at your doorstep, ready for you to receive.  How fantastic is that?

Three Words To Remember When You Get Frustrated With Others During The Holidays...

Whatever holidays you celebrate, there's a good chance you're interacting a little more with family and friends this week and next.  And sometimes that can bring up some conflict, or judgement, or just general blech feelings. 

Try this, next time Uncle Joe is making you nuts telling the same story, or your mom gets passive- aggressive, or your older sister starts bossing you like you're still eight years old. 

When your judgy voice in your head begins to say, "They're so ____________!"  add these three little words:  "...just like me."   

They get so upset over little things!  (just like me.  Yes.  I do that too, sometimes.) 

They're so bossy! (just like me.  Yes.  I can be bossy.) 

They're so caught up in their own lives! (just like me. Oh, yep, that happens to me too!) 

They're so discourteous!  (Just like me - sure I try, but I know I'm sometimes discourteous, sometimes when I don't mean to be.) 

They're in such a negative mood! (Just like me. I can be that way sometimes.) 

Their political viewpoints are so extreme! (Just like me.  Maybe I'm extreme in the other direction.  Actually, I'm pretty moderate, but I know I can find something I feel extremely strongly about!) 

They're too silly/serious/annoying/repetitive/needy.  Just like me. 

Try it.  See if it lightens your energy.  See if it helps you enjoy the time with these fellow human beings.

Prioritizing Rest, You Time And Quiet Time During The Holidays And Beyond

Are you starting to feel a little harried?  Is your list of things to do getting rather long?  Check in with yourself and see if there's anything you can toss right off that list.  Hate sending cards?  Don't do it.  I promise the world will not explode.  (The jury is still out about whether we will send holiday cards this year - but I am grateful for all who send them to us - I enjoy every one!)  

Don't want to go to that party?  Skip it.  It's likely not crucial that you're there.  

I'm composing this post in a little window of time before I meet with a client, head out to a holiday party, and then go see Twelfth Night at the New Orleans Museum of Art!  I'm excited and looking forward to all of it, especially the Shakespeare. I checked online yesterday and the show was sold out. Then I had a last minute offer today from a friend with extra tickets.  Feels magical! 

You see, it's not about never being double booked in the evenings around the holidays - it's how you feel about it.  If it feels fun, happy, and wondrous, do it!  If it feels heavy, burdensome or overwhelming, see if you can let it go without major consequences. 

I know that I have reserved a chunk of time this Thursday and most of Friday for myself for quiet restorative time. Time to relax, plan, contemplate.  So two events tonight feels just fine! 

How about you?  Where's your holiday energy level?