Craving company during the holidays? 7 ways to be merry with others

It's the most social time of the year and you're home with your houseplant.  Are you away from family and friends, maybe in a new city? Are you feeling lonely, bored, or antsy?  Do you gain most of your your energy from time with people? Here are seven quick tips when you need the company of others during the holidays. 

1. Scan Meetup groups, Facebook events, or your local newspaper. In the social media era, there are always so many cool things going on and they're easier and easier to find!  Don't be afraid to go alone - you'll surely meet some kindred spirits to conspire with!

2. Volunteer. Soup kitchens.  Homeless shelters. Old folks homes.  There's no better cure for solo ennui than striking up a conversation with someone who could really use the company.  Be present and compassionate for others and feel your spirits lift!

3. House sit for someone with a dog, and head to a dog park.  Meet other friendly dog people and enjoy the romping excited energy of happy pups!  Or just volunteer to take a busy friend's dog out for the afternoon.

4. Create your own random kindness activity.  Hand out candy canes or flowers.  Write sweet notes and pass them out.  Bake cookies and set up a "free cookie table" at a nearby park.  Be creative. Maybe someone will video you, it will go viral and you'll end up with a spot on the Today Show! :)

5. Go to a class.  Fitness.  Yoga.  Pottery painting.  Cooking.  There are so many fun ways to hang out with others and learn something too.

6. Make your own party, large or small.  Invite new friends to a cookie baking party.  Or a wine tasting, or holiday card writing.  Or Netflix watching. Or something else you love but would love to do with someone else.  Ask one or two people to join you for breakfast, lunch, coffee, a walk, or your other favorite thing.  It's really common for people to assume that everyone else is busy during the holidays, but it's not true!  Ask and you'll be surprised who's also looking for company!

7. Just open up and smile.  Strike up conversations with strangers.  It's amazing how people want to share but don't always perceive the invitation.  Be a good listener.  When you find someone whose personality resonates with yours, stick around.

If you're new to town or just finding yourself on your own it's easy to believe that everyone else is already set with a scintillating social life and no room for you.  But the truth is there are plenty of other people out there looking for something fun and happy to do with someone kind and pleasant - you!

And if some of your invitations and welcoming overtures are turned down, that's ok!  Don't let one"No, I can't make it this weekend" mean anything except that person is busy, tired, or maybe trying to get some down time - see link below!

Need quiet time during the holidays? 9 ways to get some space.

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Are you an introvert who plays an extrovert on TV?  Or are you simply a straight-up introvert?  Try these tips when you need a break from the parties, the football games, the relatives, and the crowds.  

1. Offer to house sit.  Then you can go to someone else's empty home and visit with their cat or plants or whatever you're watching.  You'll have an oasis of quiet and you can get away any time by simply exclaiming, "Oh! I just remembered!  I need to go to _______'s house and feed their bird/cat/iguana/boa constrictor."

2. Take a walk.  Before or after a meal, at half time, in the morning, at sunset - these are all great times to say, "I'm going out for a walk.  I'll see y'all in about a half hour or so." If people want to join you and you'd prefer to be completely alone, explain that you'll be doing a silent walking meditation. Which brings us to a wonderful alone-time option:

3. Meditate.  Sometimes people understand "I'm off to do my daily meditation" better than "I really need some alone time."  So whether you have a rich and fulfilling meditation practice or not, you can go to a room, close the door, and be by yourself, whether you're silently chanting a mantra or just relaxing with your thoughts.

4. Nap.  Jet lag.  General holiday exhaustion.  Getting over a cold or the flu.  A late night of partying.  There are so many reasons to offer why you might need to spirit yourself away for a delicious restorative nap.  If you're not tired but just want to be alone, you can bring a magazine or book under the covers with you. Holidays are made for napping.  Find your favorite cozy spot and prioritize the daily holiday nap.

5. Go running.  If you're an athlete, there's nothing like a solo run to clear your head and give you space for yourself.  Pop in your favorite tunes, put on your headphones and hustle out the door.  Or choose to take in the sounds of nature - breezes through the branches, rustling leaves, crunching frost underfoot- you'll be restored in no time!

6. Volunteer to go to the store for the last minute grocery items/batteries/baked goods/whatever.  Sure, you'll have to brave the crowds, but you don't have to interact with strangers except to smile peacefully, so it's almost like being on your own!  Then take an extra detour on the way home, stop at a park or a view-- or just sit in the parking lot! - and enjoy five or ten minutes of quiet for yourself.

7. Take a long bath. Add a lot of bath salts. Light some candles.  Climb in and close your eyes.  Ahhhh.

8. Go to a museum, house of worship or other quiet indoor space.  If you're in a place where temps are below freezing, you can get your alone time inside.  Even in the most crowded museum in New York City, you'll find rooms and galleries where there's hardly a soul. Relax on a bench and stare at a painting for 20 minutes.  Or go to a place of worship, light a candle and sit in silent contemplation.

9. Just stay home. There's no rule that says you have to attend every social event that's available.  If you're 18 or over, even if you feel social pressure to be everywhere, know that you have all the choice in the world to do what you really want.  Take advantage of that.  Unplug your phone, disconnect your computer, make some tea or hot cocoa and curl up with a good book.  If you need to, tell folks you'll be out of town.  Then stay put and enjoy. Ahhh.

What Really Matters During The Holidays -- Does The Question Feel Like A Cliche?

Yes, yes, we all know that the true meaning of the holidays - of Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa - is peace and togetherness and believing that the world can be a better place.  For children, it's a wonderful time of magic and miracles. 

Once we're adults though, the holidays can feel like one big to-do list.  And an extra ten pounds to lose in January.  And weird baggage from our own childhood creeping in.  And the national and world news not being peaceful at all.  And so much pressure to buy and consume more stuff. 

So what to do?  

Here are six quick ideas to increase your peace during this rush-rush time. 

1. Stop.  Breathe and get back into your body. Inhale and exhale slowly for 10 breaths, saying to yourself, "I'm at peace.", or "All is well." or "Peace on Earth". Notice how you will naturally reach a peaceful place inside yourself.  It's physiological, and it really does help. You can access this peace at any time - even ina mile-long line for Santa. 

2. Go outside.  The stars are always clearer when it's cold.  Go outside, even for a moment.  Or plan some outdoor activities.  If you're dressed properly, you can handle almost any temperature, and if you're lucky to live somewhere tropical like me, there will be plenty of sunny December days with flowers blooming! 

3. Get your holiday finances back in order.  Here's a blog post I wrote last year about holiday money traps and how to avoid them - enjoy and remember that it's actually not about the stuff. Click here to read. 

4. Get spiritual. What connects you best to spirit during the holidays?  Worship services?  Holiday music? Quiet contemplative time alone?  Prayer? Candles?  Gratitude journaling?  Meditation? Allow yourself spiritual time in whatever way is most meaningful to you. 

5. Give.  It always feels AMAZING to give - to volunteer your time, donate to a food bank, or choose gifts for a needy child.  

I believe we can ditch the commercialism, the over-doing it, the exhaustion of too much, and instead enjoy the spirit of peace and connection that we crave.  I hope you'll join me in celebrating and savoring a wonderfully wild and precious holiday season! 

Happy, happy holidays!

Mountains, Money And Meditation

So a funny thing happened yesterday while I was on the airplane heading home from Montana.   

I was all serene.  I had passed on $600 in flight vouchers to stay in Salt Lake City overnight, as they'd overbooked the flight, but I decided I'd rather get home, see my sweetheart and kittens and get back into my routine.  I would have had to switch my schedule, rebook clients - I decided to trust that I will always have what I need to fly where I want.  I was ready to dig into the addictive novel I was reading (Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty - I liked it!)  

And I looked at the person next to me and she was texting (in very large print - I didn't mean to snoop) about how horrible that she was in the back of the plane and it would probably be an extra 15 minutes for her to get off.  Complain-texting. 

I thought, "Huh."  Never occurred to me to complain about that.  And in that moment, I realized I'd been on a four day reunion with over 20 people of all ages - second generation included - couples, kids, tons of people and logistics for rides, showers, meals - and not once had it occurred to me to complain.  I had been so happy to see these folks, some who I hadn't seen in five years, some I hadn't seen in ten, so grateful for all of the wonderful meals prepared and shared, so grateful for the hikes to hot springs, the views of mountains, the tame deer in the neighborhood, and mostly the wonderful connections with these incredible individuals who I spent a college semester with in Kenya 26 years ago. I don't think anyone else complained either!  (Well maybe the teen/tween kids got a little antsy here and there...) 

I'm not always super-serene.  But when I am, it feels amazing.  And I think 20 days of leading compassion meditations this past month has certainly helped.  If you somehow missed this and would like to have access to the folder with 20 beautiful compassion talks/meditations - each one about 15-20 minutes long, all you need to do is reply to this email and I'll send you the link.  If you were in the group I posted the folder link to our group - so you can grab it there - or email me and I'll send you the link too! 

I've had multiple messages from and conversations with participants who said the talks and meditations made a significant difference for them.  I would love for them to make a difference for you too.  We all need more compassion, more peace.  Just email me if you want the link to the folder.  It's a gift from me (with an option to invest a little $$ if you're more likely to use something you actually buy. Only if you want.)   

Not so sure about meditation? You don't have to be a meditation expert.  I do a lot of walking you through breathing exercises or visualizing techniques so you don't have to just sit quietly for too long. 

And mountains.  I saw them, hiked in them a little, flew over them.  Dusted with first snow.  Hiding hot springs.  Covered in golden aspens.  Magical. I couldn't smell so well - I had a little bit of a cold.  (I forgot to complain about that too!)  But every once in a while a whiff of ponderosa or mossy leafy goodness would sneak into my stuffy nostrils and overwhelm me with happy gratitude.  Yum! 

I've Been Doing Everything Wrong...

I have been doing everything wrong. I haven't been sending email newsletters to share with my people what's happening.  I regularly ignore my Facebook business page for days at a time.  I haven't asked for testimonials from the incredible group of amazing clients I've been working with in recent months.  Instead of sharing about my coaching on social media, I mostly post images of flowers, cats, birds, sky and trees.  I haven't been to Pinterest in at least a month.  My Twitter feed is a ridiculous string of posts forwarded from other places like Instagram, and the only people who ever follow me (and then unfollow quickly when I don't follow them) seem to be those who are looking to build their own list of followers.  I don't do a darn thing on Linked In aside from accept connections.   I let my regular blog schedule be a mild suggestion and then I don't follow it. 

My mind regularly tells me I'm screwing it all up.  And then I feel even more awful because, hey, I'm a LIFE COACH for goodness sake - I'm supposed to be able to manufacture joy, happiness and balance out of thin air with my magical coaching wand! So I'm not allowed to feel overwhelmed or like I'm not doing enough - that's just wrong. 

Yes folks, even I, educated in the masterful ways of coaching, have to deal with this crazy-making from my mind. And I have to (if I choose to) maintain my own mental hygiene. 

So here's how mental hygiene works:  Try it along at home! 

The Crappy thought:  I have been doing everything wrong. 

Question the truth of the thought:  Is it true?  Hmm - yes?  Can I be absolutely sure it's true?  Well, no, maybe not. 

How do I feel when I believe it?  Like a terrible business person, a terrible coach, a terrible human.  Anxious.  Worried.  Tight and nervous in my body.  Like running away.  Total fight or flight.  What do I do when I believe it?  I abandon things, I hide, I avoid anything I can avoid.  What does this thought keep me from noticing?  Everything that I'm doing right - and there's a lot of it, people! 

What if I didn't believe the thought?  What would that be like?  Hmm - I would feel much better.  I would enjoy my days.  I would trust that what I'm doing is more than enough. 

So what's the opposite of "I'm doing everything wrong? 

I'm doing everything right.    I've Been Doing Everything Wrong...

Are there any ways that might be true? 

Well, yes, as a matter of fact! 

I've had more coaching clients in the first half of 2014 than ever before. 

I'm serving my clients in amazing ways and my client roster is nearly full! 

I love love love coaching and I'm doing plenty of it! 

My Meetup events are fun, successful and inspiring! 

I have a speaking gig lined up in August, all about finding joy! 

I presented at a wonderful hiking conference in June, and served some wonderful hiking clients at the same time! 

I'm co-leading an incredible workshop at the end of the month with my yoga teacher, we've hardly promoted it and it's full with a waiting list! (We will offer this again!) 

I was on TV again! click here to watch the spot! 

I am having an awesome time when I'm not coaching too - savoring summer, going on trips with my sweetheart, eating delicious local food, dancing (including a fun 80s night complete with limo - see pic below), and more! 

I have a ticket to Burning Man, something I've dreamed of going to for years and years! 

- and goodness, so much more. 

Hmm - is it possible that "I'm doing everything right" is as true or truer?   By jeepers,  absolutely!  

And I can always do a little more with social media in the upcoming days, but not doing it isn't getting in the way of my happiness or success.  That's great to know! So what are you doing completely wrong that's working just fine? Where has your mind convinced you that something needs to be different when maybe it doesn't?  How much more energy would you have to enjoy life and do good work in the world without believing your negative thoughts? 

I would love to hear.  And if you're having trouble maintaining your own mental hygiene, get in touch and I'll help you.  You need to clean up your thoughts just like you take care of your teeth or your car or your laundry.  Regularly.