Imagination makes anything possible! I saw it at the airport!
So I recently returned from a convention of life coaches. Over 400 Martha Beck-trained coaches, and Martha herself, basically creating an incredible positive energy vortex around a beautiful high rise hotel in sunny San Diego. On the last day, Martha spoke to us about the power of imagination. And especially the power of imagination in service of love rather than fear. What's possible when we imagine this way is infinitely amazing and wonderful. And sometimes just plain fun, like this cat-certo - a concerto created around a YouTube video of a piano-playing cat!
I ran into a very simple example of the power of imagination in the LAX airport. There's a food vendor there called "Lemonade", and the wall of their dining area is bordered by giant script letters spelling "lemonade lemonade." This isn't that big an engineering feat, I know, but I was amazed. Here's what went through my mind: "Someone had to have the idea of making the wall of the restaurant out of giant script letters. Then they needed to quiet the part of their mind that said, You can't do that - it's silly. Or it's too hard." They imagined it, and then they figured out how to do it.
It's a beautiful concept - a lovely restaurant, and a fresh food oasis in the middle of the airport. I got curious and went to their website and found this - looks like imagination in service of love to me! Yum!
The tricky thing with imagination is how powerful it is. When we get good at using our imaginations and getting out of our own way, it becomes easier and easier to create whatever we envision. Which is amazing! Yet sometimes when we get what we imagined, we realize it's not what we really wanted in the first place. Like all the stories with genies in them, we are taught to be careful what we wish for - we might get it!
Here are some tips to getting what you actually want using your imagination:
1. Begin with your feelings. How do you want to feel? Everything you wish for, from cars to a cool job to a wonderful partner to a beautiful home or a tropical vacation, or even world peace, you wish for because it's going to make you feel a certain way. What you really want is the feeling.
2. Visualize. Use any tool you want - writing, collages, daydreaming - to picture your desire. Be detailed. Be bold. Be even more unreasonable than giant script letters spelling lemonade!
3. Pre-member. Imagine it has already happened. Bask in the glow of your desire and the feeling you get from having it. Feel the fantastic feeling now.
4. Take steps in the real world. Tell people about your desires. (Ok. I will tell you one of mine. My current unrealistic "lemonade lemonade" desire is to bond with big cats but only in a way that doesn't harm or exploit them. I have no idea how this will happen. I really want to hug them but this seems exploitative in just about every scenario I can imagine. Or if it's not exploitative it seems dangerous.) I have many slightly more doable desires that I'm taking steps toward as well. And telling people about. And imagining how they might be possible.
5. Pop back to that feeling again. Any way you can get a taste of it now? The feeling I'm looking for with the big cats is connection - oneness. I can do that with so many species - not just big cats! I can bond with my small cat. I can hang out with the birds, squirrels, turtles and bees in the yard. I can watch videos of beautiful wild big cats. I can learn more about animal communication. Curious what I mean? Check out this gorgeous video of an animal communicator connecting with a black leopard. (I know it might be heavily edited and "storified", but it's still a beautiful video. And there is lots of lion hugging at the beginning!) I can donate to sanctuaries that rescue and don't exploit big cats. You may find a very simple beautiful way to get the feeling you want - without having to create anything complicated!
6. What if you create something you realize you didn't want after all? Maybe your dream job or dream house doesn't feel that way anymore - maybe it's not what you expected. That's ok - start again! Take another direction - try something completely different, or just tweak things slightly to connect you back to the feeling you were looking for. You don't have to stick with what you have just because you created it once - you can try something completely different! That's the power of imagination.
Oh, and if you know of a way I can hang out (unexploitatively) with big cats, let me know!
Eight last-minute holiday money traps and how to avoid them!
Being overloaded with holiday debt is not part of my plan for living a wild and precious life, and I bet it's not yours either. So I've compiled some quick tips to help you in these final days of holiday rushing around to stay centered. Watch out for these holiday money traps, and remember that the holidays are actually about love and togetherness, which is happily free!
1. The Holiday Sale Trap: Everything's on sale! 20-50% off! There must be something you need for yourself or as a gift! If you're not there, you're missing out! Notice and question where messages from outside are impacting how you think you should be spending your time and money. I also call this "cashmere sweater syndrome". What is it about cashmere and the holidays? Sure, if you need some cashmere, this is certainly the time to get it, but I'll tell you, thrift stores are great places to find cashmere sweaters too. Most of us are drowning in sweaters, so check in if you really need any more.
2. The "Ghost of Holidays Past" Trap: Are you celebrating traditions that don't fit your current lifestyle anymore? Do some of these traditions cost money? For example, are your kids grown but you're still buying silly trinkets for their stockings, thinking that if you stop they'll be disappointed? It might be worth having a conversation. Maybe your kids haven't said anything because they don't want to upset you. My ghost is holiday cookies. I used to bake a dozen different kinds of cookies every year. For a long time, I enjoyed it. And I still enjoy baking. But this year I decided to bake when I feel like it, try some new recipes maybe, and not worry about the giant pile of cookies. And all has been fine! Traditions are wonderful, but if you have some "ghostlike" traditions that aren't serving you anymore, just hanging around rattling their chains, consider chucking them. Everyone might be relieved!
3. The "Money Equals Love" Trap: You may be a victim of this or you may do it to others. Do you believe that the more expensive a gift you receive, the more love that represents? Do some of your loved ones foist this belief on you? Ask yourself if it's true. Ask yourself if this is how you want to measure your love or someone else's love.
4. The "Buying the House" Trap: If you've ever bought a home or other extremely large purchase, you've probably experienced this. With tens of thousands of dollars going back and forth in negotiations, suddenly an amount of one or two grand doesn't seem that important. What's another thousand? This can happen when you're purchasing big-ticket holiday items as well. As you toss a few more items into your shopping cart, real or virtual, you're thinking, if you've already spent $3000 on large holiday gifts, what's another $800? It can sometimes help to think about what else you can do with that money. Can it buy you several weeks worth of groceries? Pay your phone and heating bills and then some? Go towards a plane ticket and vacation? Do you really want or need the stuff you've just added? Do your gift recipients want or need it?
5. The "Stocking Stuffer" Trap: This is the opposite of the trap above. "It's just a little stocking stuffer. Itcosts $1 or $2 or $5 or maybe $10. It's not a big deal. Hey, maybe I'll get one for everyone at the office - they're so cute!" Next thing you know you've spent $200 on "stocking stuffers". One way to help with this trap is to think about that stocking stuffer six months from now. Where will it live? Will its owner care about it, want it, use it, have a place for it? Or will it have already gone to Good Will or the trash or the junk drawer?
6. The "Keeping Everything Even" Trap: See "Money Equals Love" above. All the kids need to get the same number of presents. Or they have to add up to the same value. Next thing you know you're rushing around on Christmas Eve looking for some little trinket to even everything out. Plus buying the extra wrapping paper and bows to make it all look fantastic. Ask yourself if it's worth buying another $100 worth of random stuff to "keep everything even." This is true at the office, too. Everyone doesn't need an identical fruit basket or mug. Unless you're the boss. Then yes, give everyone something really nice!
7. The "Holiday Food Vortex" Trap: This is my downfall. I love holiday food. Peppermint bark. Assorted nuts. Fancy cheese. Yummy sides. And I want all of it. So I usually overbuy (or overbake - see #2 above) holiday food. Sure, we eventually eat it, but how much cheese, chocolate and wine does one household need? (Don't answer that.) So what I've started doing is thinking very specifically about what holiday events and meals I'll be preparing, and what specifically I'll need for entertaining, instead of filling my shopping cart with a metric ton of holiday food "just in case".
8. The "Holiday Decorations 50% off" Trap: A corollary to #1. If you didn't want that decoration when it was full-priced, consider if you really want it now that it's half-off. Especially if you already have an attic or garage full of holiday decorations that you don't use or love. Ask yourself if that little porcelain Santa or other tchotchke really needs a home with you. Make sure you love it before you choose it.
Yes. No matter what it seems like, the holidays are not about money. Hug, sing, feast a little, curl up with your loved ones by a fire, go for hikes in the woods, smile, breathe, and be present.
Get Permission For What You Want
My mentor, Martha Beck, says it all the time. The coaches I hang out with online talk about it constantly. Create a life of rest and play. Rest and play. Rest and play. It sounds so wonderful. But how do you actually do it? How do you give yourself permission to really live life that way?
The holidays are a perfect time to try shifting your life to one of more rest and more play. The best way to do this is to listen to your body. Chances are, your body is craving rest and you're ignoring it because there's so much to do, do, do! Try listening. Try using my sweet cat (or your own pet, as long as it's not a gerbil - they're pretty hyper) as a role model. Lay down. Let out a nice deep sigh. Really rest. Then rest some more. Rest until you honestly don't want to rest anymore.
If you have small kids, a demanding job, or other stuff that keeps you from resting, just do your best. Even if all you have time for is the deep sigh, let your body feel that "resting in place" feeling, while you breathe a couple of really sweet breaths. And then look for how you can gift some rest to you and everyone around you. Skip the party. Chuck the cookie making. Dump a couple of your holiday expectations in favor of something slow and easy.
I'm still learning about rest, but when I do it makes such a difference. I haven't been sick with a cold or other illness in a LOOOONG time and I think it's partly because I let my body rest.Especially if you've been sick at all, give yourself permission to rest. (I can tell already - I'll be focusing on rest in 2014 - it's what we all need!)
Once you're rested enough? Think about play! What feels fun? No, really. What feels fun?Mary Poppins was right. Work feels more fun when you add in some play. (That's the other thing I'll be focusing on in 2014, beginning with playful ways to manage your $$!) I have a pretty play-filled life as it is. but I'm always looking for ways to enjoy life more, worry less, and help you do the same.
What felt fun and playful to me this week was making sock dolls with my fifth grade mentee, coaching some amazing clients, hosting a "virtual campfire" with the wonderful women of Wild and White Blazing, taking silly selfies in the green room before going on TV to talk about "holiday p*rn" (on The 504, Wednesday at 9 p.m.!), enjoying cocktails at the famous Sazerac bar with 15 wonderful wild and precious ladies, and best of all? Getting free tickets to the holiday home tour to peek in on some serious holiday opulence with my sweetheart. Oh, and then there were the Acrocats... see below for more on them! Wow - sometimes I forget how much fun I have!
Go back over your week. Was there enough fun? Does it help to remind yourself of the good stuff? Is there enough in your life that feels like play? What can you switch up to create a more play-filled week? Having trouble giving yourself permission for fun and play? Reply to this email with your questions and I'll answer them in an upcoming post! (And if that activity list above made you tired just reading it? Go back to resting! Give yourself permission to rest!)
Visualizing your best holiday yet, even when the tree falls down...
The Christmas tree fell over just before guests were to arrive. And I had no time. I was like Bridgette Jones. With much to do and negative time remaining. I watched the tree fall over. I was across the room. The sound of shattering glass was heartbreaking. I called my husband in tears. Could he come home to help? Of course he could.
The irony wasn't escaping me. I was less than an hour away from hosting a Holiday Vision Board Party. I wanted my house to be an oasis of holiday cheer. The eight foot tree was the centerpiece. And it was on the floor, surrounded by needles and broken ornaments. I thought, "There's some life-coachy lesson here. What is it? Don't strive for perfection? Go on no matter what? It's not that bad?" My mind was not on board. I was a bit freaked out.
My husband came home. After some cursing and a second toppling of the tree, followed by more cursing, we got it back up and secured. Miraculously, many of the glass ornaments and most of the most irreplaceable heirloom ornaments had survived both falls. And when we plugged it in, it lit up! Truly a Christmas miracle!
But there was no time. I vacuumed quickly. I gathered the dozens of fallen and unbroken ornaments into a pile. I tried not to worry that the kitchen looked like a combat zone.
The guests arrived. I fixed drinks. I changed the beginning of the party to a "re-decorate the tree" activity. Everyone loved it!
And then, mostly to calm myself--my adrenaline was still going a mile a minute-- I led all of us in a holiday visualization. We took deep breaths. (I tried.) We climbed back into our bodies. (Everyone else was probably in their bodies already, but I had been gone for hours, lol!) We remembered a favorite holiday memory. We used all of our senses to dive back into the memory. Several of us got teary with the emotion. It was wonderful.
Try it now. Remember the sounds, sights, smells, tastes, textures - really revel in your happy memory. Now, recall the emotion you have around this memory. We recalled feelings like excitement, joy, comfort, safety, belonging, and love. It was beautiful.
Then we got down to the fun part - creating a holiday vision board! Each one was unique. One vision board simply had one image of a guy and a dog on the back of a pickup truck, because this person really wanted simplicity and the feeling of being on an adventure on the open road. Others focused on family and togetherness, or on relaxing and coziness. We had great fun. I had time to put out the food. We ate, drank, enjoyed the holiday music, the company, and the miraculously still-beautiful tree.
Would you like to envision your own best holiday yet? Grab some magazines, a glue stick, a piece of posterboard or paper, and scissors. Then print out this one page Holiday Vision Board guide. And if you email me what you create (carla@livingwildandprecious.com), I'll share it in an upcoming post! Or share your happy memory and feelings in the comments.
And if you need more help with making the holidays truly your own and making them match your life right now rather than five, ten, twenty or thirty years ago, click here for more tips, including how to avoid "holiday porn"!
My wish for you is a beautiful, just right for you holiday season!
Savoring Summer
Every year, when I think about summer, I notice this big competition in my brain. On the one hand, I picture all the good stuff from my childhood - a blank expanse of days to do with what I want, run around in the sprinkler, go to the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes until it's too dark to see, read endlessly without interruption, and go camping! On the other hand, the adult part of my brain stacks up a bunch of projects and tasks that are going to get done "this summer". Like my brand new website. And cool programs I'm working on. And lots of writing. And house renovation stuff. The list can get pretty long. And worrying about or avoiding what's on the "adult" list or slogging through too many projects in one day both can cut into my ability to enjoy the fun stuff. If I've worked all day I'm resentful that there wasn't some lovely pool time, and if I've avoided or worried instead, maybe "sneaking" some fun in like a marathon reading session of a book I can't put down, then I'm also kind of miserable, because I didn't do my work. This summer I've decided to change things up. The first thing I realized I needed to change were my unreasonable expectations about what I can actually accomplish in a summer. Summer is not infinite, even though it seemed that way in early June back when we were seven years old. The other thing I realized is that I was tired of not enjoying the "fun" things because I was only half there, the other half of me worrying about the big projects that were sitting untouched. So I decided to get gentle with myself. I sat down and created a beautiful vision board for summer with lots of relaxing pinks and blues, and words like "gentle", "short and sweet", "easy" and "celebrate".
I decided to prioritize a couple of extra-fun things for myself. I'm studying French! I'm practicing French every day, something completely new to me, and it is such FUN! I'm also making sure there are plenty of excursions, big and small, this summer. About two days after I made this board, I headed out on the Appalachian Trail for a week, and look at what I saw on the first day!
It's like my vision board came to life before my eyes, with the exact same colors. The woods were full of pink rhododendrons and fluffy white mountain laurel. The clouds and sky were lavender and blue. Truly magical.
Oh, and the couple of big projects like my website and programs? Now that I've given myself some space and permission to have some real and unobstructed fun, they're happening too, in a reasonable and happy way. Free (mostly) of angst. I know - it sounds kind of pie in the sky. But it's amazing how some tiny mental shifts can make such a difference.
If you're in a similar boat and want a little more help getting your summer straight and having it be a tasty mix of fun and getting stuff done, you're invited to my one hour class called Pie in the Sky! It's on Tuesday, June 25, 7:30 p.m. Central, on the phone (recorded if you can't make it live), and it's going to be fabulous! Pie recipes will be included! We'll figure out how you can savor your summer instead of slog through it, while still getting some major stuff accomplished. Details and sign up here. Come join if it feels delicious!