Get Permission For What You Want
My mentor, Martha Beck, says it all the time. The coaches I hang out with online talk about it constantly. Create a life of rest and play. Rest and play. Rest and play. It sounds so wonderful. But how do you actually do it? How do you give yourself permission to really live life that way?
The holidays are a perfect time to try shifting your life to one of more rest and more play. The best way to do this is to listen to your body. Chances are, your body is craving rest and you're ignoring it because there's so much to do, do, do! Try listening. Try using my sweet cat (or your own pet, as long as it's not a gerbil - they're pretty hyper) as a role model. Lay down. Let out a nice deep sigh. Really rest. Then rest some more. Rest until you honestly don't want to rest anymore.
If you have small kids, a demanding job, or other stuff that keeps you from resting, just do your best. Even if all you have time for is the deep sigh, let your body feel that "resting in place" feeling, while you breathe a couple of really sweet breaths. And then look for how you can gift some rest to you and everyone around you. Skip the party. Chuck the cookie making. Dump a couple of your holiday expectations in favor of something slow and easy.
I'm still learning about rest, but when I do it makes such a difference. I haven't been sick with a cold or other illness in a LOOOONG time and I think it's partly because I let my body rest.Especially if you've been sick at all, give yourself permission to rest. (I can tell already - I'll be focusing on rest in 2014 - it's what we all need!)
Once you're rested enough? Think about play! What feels fun? No, really. What feels fun?Mary Poppins was right. Work feels more fun when you add in some play. (That's the other thing I'll be focusing on in 2014, beginning with playful ways to manage your $$!) I have a pretty play-filled life as it is. but I'm always looking for ways to enjoy life more, worry less, and help you do the same.
What felt fun and playful to me this week was making sock dolls with my fifth grade mentee, coaching some amazing clients, hosting a "virtual campfire" with the wonderful women of Wild and White Blazing, taking silly selfies in the green room before going on TV to talk about "holiday p*rn" (on The 504, Wednesday at 9 p.m.!), enjoying cocktails at the famous Sazerac bar with 15 wonderful wild and precious ladies, and best of all? Getting free tickets to the holiday home tour to peek in on some serious holiday opulence with my sweetheart. Oh, and then there were the Acrocats... see below for more on them! Wow - sometimes I forget how much fun I have!
Go back over your week. Was there enough fun? Does it help to remind yourself of the good stuff? Is there enough in your life that feels like play? What can you switch up to create a more play-filled week? Having trouble giving yourself permission for fun and play? Reply to this email with your questions and I'll answer them in an upcoming post! (And if that activity list above made you tired just reading it? Go back to resting! Give yourself permission to rest!)
Visualizing your best holiday yet, even when the tree falls down...
The Christmas tree fell over just before guests were to arrive. And I had no time. I was like Bridgette Jones. With much to do and negative time remaining. I watched the tree fall over. I was across the room. The sound of shattering glass was heartbreaking. I called my husband in tears. Could he come home to help? Of course he could.
The irony wasn't escaping me. I was less than an hour away from hosting a Holiday Vision Board Party. I wanted my house to be an oasis of holiday cheer. The eight foot tree was the centerpiece. And it was on the floor, surrounded by needles and broken ornaments. I thought, "There's some life-coachy lesson here. What is it? Don't strive for perfection? Go on no matter what? It's not that bad?" My mind was not on board. I was a bit freaked out.
My husband came home. After some cursing and a second toppling of the tree, followed by more cursing, we got it back up and secured. Miraculously, many of the glass ornaments and most of the most irreplaceable heirloom ornaments had survived both falls. And when we plugged it in, it lit up! Truly a Christmas miracle!
But there was no time. I vacuumed quickly. I gathered the dozens of fallen and unbroken ornaments into a pile. I tried not to worry that the kitchen looked like a combat zone.
The guests arrived. I fixed drinks. I changed the beginning of the party to a "re-decorate the tree" activity. Everyone loved it!
And then, mostly to calm myself--my adrenaline was still going a mile a minute-- I led all of us in a holiday visualization. We took deep breaths. (I tried.) We climbed back into our bodies. (Everyone else was probably in their bodies already, but I had been gone for hours, lol!) We remembered a favorite holiday memory. We used all of our senses to dive back into the memory. Several of us got teary with the emotion. It was wonderful.
Try it now. Remember the sounds, sights, smells, tastes, textures - really revel in your happy memory. Now, recall the emotion you have around this memory. We recalled feelings like excitement, joy, comfort, safety, belonging, and love. It was beautiful.
Then we got down to the fun part - creating a holiday vision board! Each one was unique. One vision board simply had one image of a guy and a dog on the back of a pickup truck, because this person really wanted simplicity and the feeling of being on an adventure on the open road. Others focused on family and togetherness, or on relaxing and coziness. We had great fun. I had time to put out the food. We ate, drank, enjoyed the holiday music, the company, and the miraculously still-beautiful tree.
Would you like to envision your own best holiday yet? Grab some magazines, a glue stick, a piece of posterboard or paper, and scissors. Then print out this one page Holiday Vision Board guide. And if you email me what you create (carla@livingwildandprecious.com), I'll share it in an upcoming post! Or share your happy memory and feelings in the comments.
And if you need more help with making the holidays truly your own and making them match your life right now rather than five, ten, twenty or thirty years ago, click here for more tips, including how to avoid "holiday porn"!
My wish for you is a beautiful, just right for you holiday season!
Savoring Summer
Every year, when I think about summer, I notice this big competition in my brain. On the one hand, I picture all the good stuff from my childhood - a blank expanse of days to do with what I want, run around in the sprinkler, go to the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes until it's too dark to see, read endlessly without interruption, and go camping! On the other hand, the adult part of my brain stacks up a bunch of projects and tasks that are going to get done "this summer". Like my brand new website. And cool programs I'm working on. And lots of writing. And house renovation stuff. The list can get pretty long. And worrying about or avoiding what's on the "adult" list or slogging through too many projects in one day both can cut into my ability to enjoy the fun stuff. If I've worked all day I'm resentful that there wasn't some lovely pool time, and if I've avoided or worried instead, maybe "sneaking" some fun in like a marathon reading session of a book I can't put down, then I'm also kind of miserable, because I didn't do my work. This summer I've decided to change things up. The first thing I realized I needed to change were my unreasonable expectations about what I can actually accomplish in a summer. Summer is not infinite, even though it seemed that way in early June back when we were seven years old. The other thing I realized is that I was tired of not enjoying the "fun" things because I was only half there, the other half of me worrying about the big projects that were sitting untouched. So I decided to get gentle with myself. I sat down and created a beautiful vision board for summer with lots of relaxing pinks and blues, and words like "gentle", "short and sweet", "easy" and "celebrate".
I decided to prioritize a couple of extra-fun things for myself. I'm studying French! I'm practicing French every day, something completely new to me, and it is such FUN! I'm also making sure there are plenty of excursions, big and small, this summer. About two days after I made this board, I headed out on the Appalachian Trail for a week, and look at what I saw on the first day!
It's like my vision board came to life before my eyes, with the exact same colors. The woods were full of pink rhododendrons and fluffy white mountain laurel. The clouds and sky were lavender and blue. Truly magical.
Oh, and the couple of big projects like my website and programs? Now that I've given myself some space and permission to have some real and unobstructed fun, they're happening too, in a reasonable and happy way. Free (mostly) of angst. I know - it sounds kind of pie in the sky. But it's amazing how some tiny mental shifts can make such a difference.
If you're in a similar boat and want a little more help getting your summer straight and having it be a tasty mix of fun and getting stuff done, you're invited to my one hour class called Pie in the Sky! It's on Tuesday, June 25, 7:30 p.m. Central, on the phone (recorded if you can't make it live), and it's going to be fabulous! Pie recipes will be included! We'll figure out how you can savor your summer instead of slog through it, while still getting some major stuff accomplished. Details and sign up here. Come join if it feels delicious!