Get Permission For What You Want

My mentor, Martha Beck, says it all the time. The coaches I hang out with online talk about it constantly.  Create a life of rest and play.  Rest and play.  Rest and play.  It sounds so wonderful.  But how do you actually do it? How do you give yourself permission to really live life that way? 

The holidays are a perfect time to try shifting your life to one of more rest and more play. The best way to do this is to listen to your body. Chances are, your body is craving rest and you're ignoring it because there's so much to do, do, do!  Try listening.  Try using my sweet cat (or your own pet, as long as it's not a gerbil - they're pretty hyper) as a role model.  Lay down. Let out a nice deep sigh.  Really rest.  Then rest some more. Rest until you honestly don't want to rest anymore.  

If you have small kids, a demanding job, or other stuff that keeps you from resting, just do your best.  Even if all you have time for is the deep sigh, let your body feel that "resting in place" feeling, while you breathe a couple of really sweet breaths. And then look for how you can gift some rest to you and everyone around you.  Skip the party.  Chuck the cookie making.  Dump a couple of your holiday expectations in favor of something slow and easy. 

I'm still learning about rest, but when I do it makes such a difference.  I haven't been sick with a cold or other illness in a LOOOONG time and I think it's partly because I let my body rest.Especially if you've been sick at all, give yourself permission to rest.  (I can tell already - I'll be focusing on rest in 2014 - it's what we all need!) 

Once you're rested enough?  Think about play!  What feels fun? No, really.  What feels fun?Mary Poppins was right.  Work feels more fun when you add in some play.   (That's the other thing I'll be focusing on in 2014, beginning with playful ways to manage your $$!)  I have a pretty play-filled life as it is. but I'm always looking for ways to enjoy life more, worry less, and help you do the same. 

What felt fun and playful to me this week was making sock dolls with my fifth grade mentee, coaching some amazing clients, hosting a "virtual campfire" with the wonderful women of Wild and White Blazing,  taking silly selfies in the green room before going on TV to talk about "holiday p*rn" (on The 504, Wednesday at 9 p.m.!), enjoying cocktails at the famous Sazerac bar with 15 wonderful wild and precious ladies, and best of all?  Getting free tickets to the holiday home tour to peek in on some serious holiday opulence with my sweetheart. Oh, and then there were the Acrocats... see below for more on them!  Wow - sometimes I forget how much fun I have! 

Go back over your week.  Was there enough fun? Does it help to remind yourself of the good stuff?  Is there enough in your life that feels like play? What can you switch up to create a more play-filled week?  Having trouble giving yourself permission for fun and play? Reply to this email with your questions and I'll answer them in an upcoming post! (And if that activity list above made you tired just reading it?  Go back to resting! Give yourself permission to rest!)

Visualizing your best holiday yet, even when the tree falls down...

The Christmas tree fell over just before guests were to arrive.  And I had no time.  I was like Bridgette Jones.  With much to do and negative time remaining. I watched the tree fall over.  I was across the room.  The sound of shattering glass was heartbreaking.  I called my husband in tears.  Could he come home to help?  Of course he could.

The irony wasn't escaping me.  I was less than an hour away from hosting a Holiday Vision Board Party.   I wanted my house to be an oasis of holiday cheer.  The eight foot tree was the centerpiece.  And it was on the floor, surrounded by needles and broken ornaments.  I thought, "There's some life-coachy lesson here.  What is it?  Don't strive for perfection?  Go on no matter what? It's not that bad?"  My mind was not on board.  I was a bit freaked out.

My husband came home.  After some cursing and a second toppling of the tree, followed by more cursing, we got it back up and secured.  Miraculously, many of the glass ornaments and most of the most irreplaceable heirloom ornaments had survived both falls. And when we plugged it in, it lit up! Truly a Christmas miracle!

But there was no time.  I vacuumed quickly.  I gathered the dozens of fallen and unbroken ornaments into a pile.  I tried not to worry that the kitchen looked like a combat zone.

The guests arrived.  I fixed drinks.  I changed the beginning of the party to a "re-decorate the tree" activity.  Everyone loved it!

And then, mostly to calm myself--my adrenaline was still going a mile a minute--  I led all of us in a holiday visualization.  We took deep breaths. (I tried.)  We climbed back into our bodies.  (Everyone else was probably in their bodies already, but I had been gone for hours, lol!) We remembered a favorite holiday memory.  We used all of our senses to dive back into the memory.  Several of us got teary with the emotion.  It was wonderful.

Try it now.  Remember the sounds, sights, smells, tastes, textures - really revel in your happy memory. Now, recall the emotion you have around this memory.  We recalled feelings like excitement, joy, comfort, safety, belonging, and love.  It was beautiful.

Then we got down to the fun part - creating a holiday vision board!  Each one was unique.  One vision board simply had one image of a guy and a dog on the back of a pickup truck, because this person really wanted simplicity and the feeling of being on an adventure on the open road.  Others focused on family and togetherness, or on relaxing and coziness.  We had great fun.  I had time to put out the food.  We ate, drank, enjoyed the holiday music, the company, and the miraculously still-beautiful tree.

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Would you like to envision your own best holiday yet?  Grab some magazines, a glue stick, a piece of posterboard or paper, and scissors. Then print out this one page Holiday Vision Board guide. And if you email me what you create (carla@livingwildandprecious.com), I'll share it in an upcoming post! Or share your happy memory and feelings in the comments.

And if you need more help with making the holidays truly your own and making them match your life right now rather than five, ten, twenty or thirty years ago, click here for more tips, including how to avoid "holiday porn"!

My wish for you is a beautiful, just right for you holiday season!

Savoring Summer

Every year, when I think about summer, I notice this big competition in my brain. On the one hand, I picture all the good stuff from my childhood - a blank expanse of days to do with what I want, run around in the sprinkler, go to the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes until it's too dark to see, read endlessly without interruption, and go camping!  On the other hand, the adult part of my brain stacks up a bunch of projects and tasks that are going to get done "this summer". Like my brand new website.  And cool programs I'm working on.  And lots of writing.  And house renovation stuff.  The list can get pretty long.  And worrying about or avoiding what's on the "adult" list or slogging through too many projects in one day both can cut into my ability to enjoy the fun stuff.  If I've worked all day I'm resentful that there wasn't some lovely pool time, and if I've avoided or worried instead, maybe "sneaking" some fun in like a marathon reading session of a book I can't put down, then I'm also kind of miserable, because I didn't do my work. This summer I've decided to change things up.  The first thing I realized I needed to change were my unreasonable expectations about what I can actually accomplish in a summer. Summer is not infinite, even though it seemed that way in early June back when we were seven years old.   The other thing I realized is that I was tired of not enjoying the "fun" things because I was only half there, the other half of me worrying about the big projects that were sitting untouched.  So I decided to get gentle with myself.  I sat down and created a beautiful vision board for summer with lots of relaxing pinks and blues, and words like "gentle", "short and sweet", "easy" and "celebrate".

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I decided to prioritize a couple of extra-fun things for myself.  I'm studying French!  I'm practicing French every day, something completely new to me, and it is such FUN! I'm also making sure there are plenty of excursions, big and small, this summer. About two days after I made this board, I headed out on the Appalachian Trail for a week, and look at what I saw on the first day!

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It's like my vision board came to life before my eyes, with the exact same colors.  The woods were full of pink rhododendrons and fluffy white mountain laurel.  The clouds and sky were lavender and blue.  Truly magical.

Oh, and the couple of big projects like my website and programs?  Now that I've given myself some space and permission to have some real and unobstructed fun, they're happening too, in a reasonable and happy way.  Free (mostly) of angst. I know - it sounds kind of pie in the sky. But it's amazing how some tiny mental shifts can make such a difference.

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If you're in a similar boat and want a little more help getting your summer straight and having it be a tasty mix of fun and getting stuff done, you're invited to my one hour class called Pie in the Sky! It's on Tuesday, June 25, 7:30 p.m. Central, on the phone (recorded if you can't make it live), and it's going to be fabulous!  Pie recipes will be included!  We'll figure out how you can savor your summer instead of slog through it, while still getting some major stuff accomplished. Details and sign up here. Come join if it feels delicious!

Lessons from the Dalai Lama

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You know, I put him on my vision board last summer - and then he came to New Orleans this spring and I got to go see him!  That makes me two for two with vision board celebs - Madonna and His Holiness.

In honor of the visit from the Dalai Lama, the city draped itself in Tibetan prayer flags.  They are hanging, large and small, in long rows and tucked in tiny corners everywhere - over shops, homes, along power lines.  They are beautiful and hopeful and I love that people are keeping them up well after his visit.  We have them hung over our porch and I'm in no hurry to take them down.  I think in Tibet they stay up until they disintegrate.

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Here's the good stuff I gathered from his talk:

The way to control violence is to control hatred and increase forgiveness and tolerance.

Our individual futures depend on community. We must think as a community-- as a global community.

A calm mind is very important.

When you have affection and compassion, you're happy, regardless of social standing.

Our problems do not stem from lack of education or lack of money, but from lack of inner peace.

Solving the world's problems requires intelligence, willpower and inner peace.

These are simple yet serious ideas.  Interestingly, the Dalai Lama is not a formal, serious man.  He is so down to earth, laughing easily, telling funny stories, encouraging everyone to be happy and be themselves - he is a lovely man.

He came to New Orleans with a group of monks.  There was a big conference and the monks created a very elaborate and very temporary sand mandala.  I never got a great look at the mandala-- my timing was bad-- but I did make it to the ceremony at the Mississippi River where the monks poured some of the sand into the river.  They also handed out tiny bags of the sand - for "healing and enlightenment".

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I haven't done anything with the sand yet.  I haven't done anything with a lot of things.  My head swims daily with the long list of undone tasks (like blogging (!), sending newsletters, updating calendars, keeping up with social media, addressing details around a brand new website, announcing cool offerings that I'm cooking up...)  Seems I'm short at times on willpower and that's cutting into my inner peace.

However, in the past weeks, I have prioritized time to grieve.  I've kept all my appointments and attended/hosted all the events that were already scheduled.  I went off for a delicious week of hiking in the woods on the Appalachian Trail (more about that later.) I am meditating every day, 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night. I have a daily writing practice.  Plenty of other stuff happens too - just like it probably does in your life.

Some day I'll get straight between what I actually do and what I perceive is possible to do in a day. And then I'll have that elusive inner peace.  I'm learning to let myself feel it anyway, even when I haven't accomplished everything I've imagined I would.  The city is so green and there are flowers blooming everywhere.  I stop to admire them on walks to the bank and the library.  I breathe.  The world is too beautiful not to be grateful, completed calendar or not.

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And I have a feeling the Dalai Lama isn't worried about my to do list.  He's probably much more interested in the development of my compassion, starting with compassion toward myself. I teach this to my clients and I re-learn it nearly daily.

How about you?  Is there room for you to offer some more compassion for yourself, some forgiveness, some time to calm your mind? To take a couple of breaths, go outside, admire the flowers - marvel at being alive? Whether or not you've accomplished whatever's on that to-do list?

Maybe I could make a zillion dollars creating little pads of to-do lists with the first ones at the top of each page actually saying things like, "Embrace gratitude."  "Smell the flowers."  "Smile."  "Marvel at being alive."  With express directions to do and check them off first.  (Now I can add "design, make and market pads" to my to do list, ha!) I do make myself smile! Are you smiling too?  Then we can both check that off! I bet wherever the Dalai Lama is today, he is also smiling and encouraging others to smile. And perhaps we are all one step closer to inner peace.

One year in the life of an entrepreneur - woo, work, and moving "any amount"

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Wow.  Just about a year ago, I completed my coach training. The official date was February 29.   That morning, I bent a spoon that I thought was unbendable.  Not with my mind, with my hands, but it still felt like a feat.   (Spoon bending is kind of woo-woo and my science teacher side thinks it's ridiculous and a little hoax-y, but when I was able to bend a spoon that I had never been able to bend before on the final day of my coach training program, some woo woo part of me thought that was pretty cool. And then it almost immediately went back to being skeptical!) Since that spoon bending morning, I did a lot.  I coached and coached.  I hosted a book club about Martha Beck's new book, Finding Your Way in a  Wild New World, my first foray into conference call tele-courses.  I met Martha and over 300 other coaches at an incredible conference in Arizona.  I made stickers with my own Wild and Precious word collage and shared them with everyone. I got certified! I made a beautiful blank journal filled with inspiring quotes and my own photos. I hosted two amazing retreats.  I created a signature local experience called WIGS and WIGS.   I started a Facebook Page.  I started a Meetup group. I coached and coached!  I cleared out boxes and boxes of old papers and flotsam and jetsam from my 16 year science teaching career.  I created a five month course for women planning to hike the Appalachian Trail, and 20 amazing women joined it! I participated in two amazing months-long mastermind experiences with other talented coaches. I coached and coached.  I hosted eighteen wordless walks in the swamp.  I learned how to use programs that let me email pretty newsletters.  I emailed pretty newsletters!  I started using a real online appointment scheduling program.  I got a business banking account and a real business license! I cleared out boxes of old holiday cards and old clothes and other clutter that was lurking in the nooks and crannies of our home.  I read dozens of books about time management, de-cluttering, entrepreneurship, and all kinds of other coach-y stuff.  I created a course about managing money indulgently, and 31 fabulous women signed up!  And all throughout, the coaching and coaching - my clients are incredible and it's an honor to be by their sides while they transform their lives in big and small ways.

Sometimes I was good about telling people what I was doing, sometimes I kind of flew under the radar, sharing mostly with friends and family, wondering who else would be interested, or just being a little too scared to be "out there."  But the more I go ahead and sing what I do from the rooftops, the more wonderful opportunities, gifts and amazing experiences come my way!  So I'm learning to be braver.

This entrepreneurship stuff - it's wild.  Even when you surround yourself with people supporting and guiding you who've built incredible businesses, you still have to take your own steps, every day.  No one's going to do it for you, and no one's going to fire you if you don't do it.  You're suddenly only responsible to yourself, and that's a very interesting challenge!

So I learned to do something "any amount." When my yoga teacher is trying to help us correct our form in a pose, she asks us to make a small change with our bodies.  She says things like, "Bring your right hip up any amount." or "Spread your collar bones any amount." or "Lengthen your left torso any amount." Her message is that any incremental shift is valuable - we don't have to be perfect in our poses, but our awareness of where we're headed helps us move toward our goals, even when we can't quite perceive the body part moving at all.

That's how I've felt about this whole year.  I've been making shifts, trying things, moving this here and that there, any amount.  My posture might not be perfect, but I'm showing up.  And I've gained so much from my efforts, even when they're not quite "right".

Could I have done more this year?  Yes.  Could I have grown more quickly?  Yes.  Could I have been more focused, less inclined to nap, more consistent about blogging, sharing, communicating, planning, being strategic, less inclined to meet a friend, go for a walk, sit in the grass?  Yes. Could I have fixed the thousand things I can't stand about how this website is right now instead of taking the time to shop for and cook yummy local food, or curl up with a cat and a book, or climb into the tub, or go for a bike ride with my sweetheart?  Yes.

But there's the trick.  While building this business, I'm also doing my best to live my one wild and precious life.  To take a week off to go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.  Another couple of weeks off to explore the mountains of Colorado.  A week on the beach in Florida. All year I've taken enough time to sleep well, nearly every night. I listen to my body, and I haven't been sick a single day!

Sure, I've wasted my share of time.   I've watched way too many cat videos, read too many comments on articles I was only marginally interested in, watched too many Cake Bosses and 30 Rocks and Parks and Recreations on Netflix streaming.  I can avoid my work with the best of them, even after reading every Steven Pressfield book out there.

Nevertheless, overall it's felt like a year of miracles, especially when I've embraced the "woo" side and let the magic happen.  Wise owls appeared.  I spontaneously got to go see Madonna after putting her on my vision board. I created things, put them out in the world, and people signed up! Overall I've been challenged, inspired, and happy.

And here's what I've learned, boiled way down:

Four things to remember when you're working on something big: 1. Once you can envision it, it's really possible!  But you have to be able to picture it first. That's where vision boarding, writing and dreaming really help. 2. Start taking the steps.  Turtle steps.  Do anything.  Any amount.  And keep repeating. 3. Let yourself freak out, take a break, avoid, nap, temporarily run away.  It's ok.  Just come back to it when you're ready and start again. And try not to worry. 4. Embrace the woo.  Magic really is available to you. Look for it in the simplest things. Find it in nature, or in your imagination. Abandon your inner skeptic occasionally and let the unicorns prance around in your head a little.  Bend a spoon or two!

I'd love to hear what you do to keep the momentum going with a big undertaking, a new project, or exciting endeavor.  Share what's working for you in the comments!