Rethinking "your one wild and precious life"

You know the quote, right?  "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"  It's from a poem by Mary Oliver called "The Summer Day". And it's everywhere, including a version in the name of this blog. Here's what's interesting:this line, taken out of context, sounds like a prompt to get rolling. Get going. Do something for goodness sake! Be more productive! Be more! Do more! Succeed! Achieve! Go places!  You only have one life after all! YOLO and all that!

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However, the poem has a very different tone.  The question comes at the end of the poem after Mary explains that she's been sitting watching a grasshopper and strolling through the grass all day, "idle and blessed".  The poem seems to challenge the reader to tell her what would have been a better use of her time. Take a moment to read the poem here. Or listen to Mary herself read it here.

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Do you feel too busy?  Do you feel like your whole calendar is mapped out, weeks or months in advance?  As the warm weather of summer arrives, do you wish for time to savor it?

You have a choice.  You have a choice to stop to notice the clouds or splash in a puddle, watch a lizard or greet the songbirds.  You have a choice to go walking in fields or woods or suburban streets.  You have so much more time than you think you have.

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So with that in mind and summer at your doorstep, do you have a different answer to Mary's question?  What do you want to savor during this wild and precious summer? Email me or share in the comments!

Need some help savoring?  Check out Pie in the Sky, my quick and fantastic summer class that will teach you how to savor summer and get some stuff done, too!  It's all recorded and ready to go for you, with lots of goodies!  Spend just one hour and gain tons of savoring ideas. Details here.

Dentists, Dancing, Desire And Getting Called Out By Martha Beck

What's Happening- surviving the cold,  and epiphanies at the dentist 

How are you?  If you're somewhere cold and snowy, I hope you're staying cozy.  We survived the snowpocalypse of late January here in NOLA.  We had the tiniest bit of icy accumulation and plenty of cold and schools were closed for two days! I went to the wetlands with an out of town client coming for a coaching intensive and there were sheets of ice on the water amidst the cypress knees - something I've never seen before! 

In more recent news, I had a long appointment at the dentist this week. Somehow regular dental check ups fell by the wayside in the past couple of years and now I am paying the price.  I feel ridiculous about allowing preventable issues to get so bad.  Nevertheless, there I was, numbed to kingdom come and waiting for the dentist to return.  With nothing to do.  My phone and book out of reach.  Just sitting there, being.  Seemed like a good time to reflect. And to really feel my body.   

I noticed I was already tensed up. So I consciously breathed and relaxed my whole body.  And when the dentist returned and practically climbed inside my mouth to get to my back tooth that had a rather tremendous cavity, I did my best to keep breathing and relaxing while drills and motors whirred and my teeth were subjected to much poking, prodding and excavating. It wasn't easy.  My body kept wanting to tense and stop breathing.  I had to keep consciously returning to calm as best I could.   

When the first round of Novocaine (or whatever they use these days) wore off, oh my goodness, there was some pain.  I really had a hard time breathing.  I wanted to hold my breath through the pain.  Again I had to remind myself to breathe. That tensing up wasn't helping.   

That's my tendency - to stop breathing when I'm stressed, in pain, or anxious.  And it's easy to be anxious about something all the time, if you're not careful.   

Try it right now.  Is your body tense? Are you breathing deeply and calmly, no matter what the circumstances are? If not, give yourself the gift of three relaxing deep breaths. Right now.  I feel better - I hope you do too!  This is such a simple fix but I need to remind myself to do it so I thought you'd appreciate the reminder too. 

What's inspiring me - The NOLA Chorus Girls! 

When I mapped out my own Happiness Project for the year, January was for rest, and February was for desire and dancing.  But I decided to start early with the dancing so I could finally join the NOLA Chorus Girl Project! This fantastic dancing group welcomes everyone. You need no previous dance experience (I had virtually none), but it's amazing how quickly you can learn! 

The instructors choose a different dance each session from the golden age of the 20s and 30s and teach it to everyone so we can perform it live. It's fun, welcoming and there's never any reprimanding or singling out.  The teachers are exceptional.  This felt like a risk and a big leap for me, but it has been sooo rewarding!  I may still look like Olive Oyl when I'm dancing - all arms and legs akimbo, but I'm learning fast! And it's one more way I can truly inhabit my body and breathe!  If you're in NOLA and looking for a wonderful dance opportunity, check out the

What do you really want?

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My mentor, Martha Beck, wanted to stab herself in the head with a fork because of me. She even wrote a blog post about it.  Sure, the post wasn’t just about me, but she’d said almost the exact same words when she was coaching me with the horse in the round pen during the Master Coach retreat, just weeks before.

When I was standing there with the horse, she’d asked me, “What do you want?”  And I hemmed and hawed a little.  I said, “Yes, that’s what I need to figure out.” and she jumped all over my case, telling me not to answer with a vague statement, but to figure it out right now.  What do I want right now?

It’s always nice to get chastised by your mentor.   But she was making a solid point.

Martha’s point was that if I’m clear with my desires, and I ask and take inspired action toward them, they are bound to happen.  But if I’m wishy-washy and unclear, then nothing happens. Or wishy-washy unclear things happen.

This seems so simple, doesn’t it?  Don’t we all do what we want to do?  Isn’t that how we chart the course of our lives?

Not necessarily.  Many of us don’t know that truly living our deepest desires is possible.  We believe that we have to just kind of plug along through life – work, home, family, and maybe take a nice vacation here and there.  We have duties, responsibilities.  I mean really – what if everyone did what they wanted – wouldn’t the whole place descend into some sort of Lord of the Flies chaos? That’s the response I get from people.

So there's the fear of chaos, that our deepest inner desire is to just run around naked in the woods with no responsibilities.  And then there's simply confusion.  How do we separate our deepest wants from what's projected onto us by society or culture?

I am still figuring out how to separate what my deepest inner self wants from what my ego wants.  My ego is distracted by praise, accolades-- some kind of external measure of achievement.  Years of schooling and a lifetime spent in Western culture have trained me to believe that I need to work hard, achieve, do well, accomplish something, leave a legacy – all that good stuff.

When I listen closely though, my deepest inner self is not so swayed.  My deepest inner self wants permission to move more slowly through life.  To drink in the experience. To watch the seasons change. To marvel at flowers, butterflies, birds, blades of grass. (Ok, ok, it's true! To run around free in the woods.  Maybe these Lord of the Flies people have a point...)

At the time in that round pen with Martha and Koelle and the other coaches watching, I just wanted to stand there with that horse.  To gaze into his beautiful brown eyes.  To nuzzle his velvety nose.  I didn’t need him to run around.  I didn’t even need him to follow me, although it was wonderful that he did.  It was my first time in a round pen with a horse.  I hadn’t gotten to the part of wanting anything more than to be there in that moment.

The other thing I wanted was to rest.   Oh goodness, I wanted to rest.  I’d been getting so many messages to rest.  From my deceased cat, Buster.  From the horse.  From everyone who’d been watching me for the past 8 months. Here's what I'm finding while I continue to resist rest and watch my clients do it too:  From an unrested place we can't even tell what we want.  We refuse to listen to our bodies.  We push some more.  Or distract ourselves some more with whatever keeps us from feeling and noticing - food, shopping, Netflix, Facebook, Pinterest, activities for the kids, books, work...

So I’m curious.  What do you really want?  Do you really want to add in that thing, whatever it is, to all the other stuff you’re doing?  What if you took some things off your plate first?  What if you began with rest?  My hunch is that you might be tired.  (It’s a good hunch because apparently 30 percent of Americans are chronically sleep deprived.)

January's goal was to rest more.  I'm revising that.  It's now 2014's goal.  While I'm resting, then I can listen.  Listen closely to what else I really, really, really, most deeply want.  Interested in joining me?  Stay tuned for some intentional resting and listening opportunities.  And I'm curious - are you craving rest too? And feeling guilty or unaccomplished enough because of it?  Leave a comment and let's continue the discussion!

Halfway Through January - Is It Time To Rest Yet?

Inspiration for your path -  REST and tiny things...plus journaling ideas! 

Do you get a little panicky halfway through January?  Feeling like it was just New Year's Eve and now we're already 1/24 through the year?  How did that happen? The new moon has suddenly become a full moon - time keeps on ticking, ticking ticking...  [hmm - will Carla include 1970s song video links in every upcoming post?  That would be fun! This is worth a click simply to see the double-necked guitar!] 

I lose my time perspective when I project too far into the future and forget to notice all the cool small things happening.  Perhaps I intuitively remembered that this week as my Instagram feed was full of images of small things like bugs and feathers. Tiny things help me remember to REST, just for a moment. 

You know I prioritized REST for January, and I've managed, amidst the events, appointments,  TV appearances, dance classes (attending!) and money calls (hosting!) to rest a little each day.  To go outside and breathe. And look around. Here's the question:  If not now, when?  When I get those other ten things done?  If I'm not enjoying and savoring in the present moment, when will I enjoy and savor it?  

There are strawberries at the farmers' market!  The sky is a spectacular shade of blue!  And the sun filtering through the oak trees is like a miracle.  

One last thing - are you journaling in 2014? If you haven't started yet, or your journal plans fell by the wayside, don't worry - you can pick it up again anytime!  I hosted an awesome journal making party this weekend (it filled up so fast in the Meetup group that it never made it to my email news!) and it was divine! 10 women decorated ten beautiful and unique journals!  If you're looking for some journalling ideas for the new year,  Click here to download a list to inspire you! 

Meanwhile, don't forget to rest!  The year is already 1/24 over - if you've been going, going, going, it's definitely time to take a break!  Ahh!  

Permission to live an ordinary extraordinary life

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There's a reason why Pippin is my favorite musical.  Pippin is seeking an extraordinary life.  He sings about it and he searches for it throughout the entire show. He tries everything. War, sex, revolution. Being king. Nothing is right.  In despair, he's taken in by a widow with a young son and he lives an ordinary and happy life on her estate for a year, until he leaves again, convinced that there must be something bigger and better out there - some way for him to do extraordinary things. With one last chance (spoiler alert) to go out literally in a blaze of glory, he balks.  He ends up on stage alone without sets, makeup, costumes or music.  The widow and the little boy come to hold his hands.  And he sings, "I wanted magic shows and miracles, mirages to touch; I wanted such a little thing from life, I wanted so much."  The last lines of the song are, "It never was there - I think it was here." It's ridiculous how it hits me. It chokes me up every time. It's a cheesy simple story, but I get it.  I get Pippin's quest for a meaningful life, and I get his discovery of the meaning in simple things like love, family and just existing.

There's so much beauty and happiness in the ordinary.  Today, a fire in the fireplace.  Hot chocolate.  King cake to celebrate the beginning of carnival season.  Puffy clouds. Yellow sycamore leaves.  Sunshine. Smiles. Simply being alive.

We're bombarded every day by stories of extraordinary people.  People who have raised zillions of dollars for clean water. People who turned ten bucks and an idea into a multimillion dollar business.  People who are changing the world in giant ways.  It's downright overwhelming.

There are so many choices today.  So many options.  So much possibility.  Even if you have an ordinary life, maybe you become famous because of your cute recipes.  Or your Instagram feed.  Or your memoir about your dog. Or your Youtube video.  If you're not famous, you should still be doing something that's interesting to someone and sharing it somewhere - Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest - oh my goodness, Pinterest! Land of ten thousand ideas for a cupcake!

I ran into a former student at the grocery store the other day.  She's amazing, intelligent, and has a great job as a writer for a local publication.  And she shared with me how she feels like she needs to be doing more.  How she feels this pressure to have made something bigger of her life by the tender age of 24.

Wow.  What is happening?  When did it become not enough to be a generally good person, make an honest living, take care of one's family, smile at the neighbors, and vote responsibly? Now that we have the capacity to reach nearly everyone on the planet with a tweet or a blog post, and the ability to read about nearly everyone in our assorted blogs and news websites and Facebook feeds, I see a lot of people (clients, myself, friends) running into "compare and despair."  Now it's not just the Joneses next door you're trying to keep up with, it's all of humanity!

It becomes more difficult to figure out what you want. There's research to back up how people don't choose when given too many choices.  They can't decide where to begin. The brain just shuts down.

Next thing you know, two hours have gone by while you've been scrolling through fascinating articles about amazing people, peppered with funny cat and dog videos. So what do you do?

Give yourself permission to live an ordinary extraordinary life.  Focus on your interactions with people in the now moment.  At the grocery store. With your family. With your friends.  Savor the king cake.  Notice the softness of the cat. The dance of the leaves falling from the trees across the street.

Sure, you can still have visions of extraordinary-ness.  I have my delusions of Oprah (I'm going to be taping for TV again this Friday! - no, not Oprah!!) I would love to figure out how to do something really big to change the world for the better.

But you know, I like being home.  I like talking to one or two people at a time.  I like napping.  These things make me happy.  And they don't destroy the environment. And the Dalai Lama says that if each of us simply strives to be happy, it's one of the best ways to change the whole world.

I'm teaching tonight about money.  And here's a hint about what I'm going to say.  All those infinite choices?  They screw with our money situation too.  They cause us to lose focus on what we really want.  It's like when you go to a buffet and you end up with a plate full of weird food that doesn't go together.  You're surrounded by food and yet you feel yucky and empty.

Get still.  Listen.  Listen to you.  Give yourself permission to lead the life you want. Simple as you want.  There's plenty of extraordinary in the ordinary.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let's keep the conversation going!