SIMU - it's worse than FOMO!
Have you heard of FOMO? It stands for Fear Of Missing Out and I've seen it mentioned in at least a dozen places in recent months. Apparently, we're all way more susceptible to this now that we can't just see what the neighbors are doing, but instead we're plugged into everyone's life and their pretty photos of their cocktails or dance party or beach vacation or whatever. And Instagram filters make everything look so arty! While we plug into social media and all the rest of the media out there, instead of enjoying where we are, we wonder why we're not in Bali, or climbing some mountain in South America, or at that cool new restaurant that everyone is talking about. And we get all full of anxious chemicals. So we're usually instructed to unplug for goodness sake and pay attention to whatever we're actually doing. And/or take our own photos of cocktails or babies or cats or mountains - and enjoy how pretty they look on Instagram too! (At least this is what I do - I love an arty Instagram photo!) But there's something just as insidious as FOMO, at least for me. I call it SIMU and that stands for S#%t I Made Up. Or Stuff I Made Up if you prefer. And this is something I used to do to myself (honestly I still do it sometimes!) without any help or cocktail photos from anyone else. I would create gigantic lists of stuff that had to get done. I would come up with plans to do way more than is actually possible for someone like me who also likes to nap. And then I would fill up with anxious chemicals when I'd only do ten percent of it. I'd wake up stressing about how I was gonna get it all done and go to bed stressing about what I didn't do.
This wasn't stuff I had to do - it was Stuff I Made Up! In the world of self-help we can really make some serious lists of everything that's going to edify us and make us better people. But the truth is, none of it was crucial. If i didn't feel like yoga class one day, so what? If I didn't feel like writing in my journal, so what? If I didn't feel like blogging, the world would not stop. Slowly, slowly, I've been learning to stop stressing about self-imposed made up stuff, and get clearer and clearer about what it is that I actually want to do. Sometimes I want to practice yoga. Sometimes I want to blog. Often I want to write. I always want to read!
In the 21st century first world, pretty much everything we stress about is made up. By us. Fabricated. Most of what we tell others we're so busy doing and preparing for and overwhelmed by is purely by choice. We could survive, and potentially thrive, with way less. Sometimes the fabrications are created by society and culturally ingrained so they feel real, but they're still made up. Which means we have a choice.
I'm choosing to give up some of my SIMU in order to be able to savor whatever I'm doing in the moment. There is magic in what is happening now. Especially when I pick something to engage in that I love, that challenges me or piques my curiosity. Something I really want to do, not what I think I'm supposed to want to do. Something related to my own desires, not societal expectations.
And then I pick that thing and show up. All the way. All senses present. Instead of half there because my mind has drifted off to some other place in the past or future. Whether it's sitting in the grass doing nothing, practicing my French (still loving that!), writing a blog post or making a pie, I'm there. I might take an Instagram photo though- and make it all arty... :)
How about you? Have you discovered some SIMU recently that you don't feel like doing anymore? What would your summer feel like if you dumped the SIMU every day that you just don't want to do? Would that give you more time and space for the stuff you really care about, the stuff that you keep putting off?
If you want to chat about this further, come join my class tonight called Pie in the Sky -it's all about bringing back the fun and getting something done this summer, and one strategy is to dump your unwanted SIMU. And if you're reading this blog post way after the fact, the class will be recorded, so you can get it anytime!
Savoring Summer
Every year, when I think about summer, I notice this big competition in my brain. On the one hand, I picture all the good stuff from my childhood - a blank expanse of days to do with what I want, run around in the sprinkler, go to the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes until it's too dark to see, read endlessly without interruption, and go camping! On the other hand, the adult part of my brain stacks up a bunch of projects and tasks that are going to get done "this summer". Like my brand new website. And cool programs I'm working on. And lots of writing. And house renovation stuff. The list can get pretty long. And worrying about or avoiding what's on the "adult" list or slogging through too many projects in one day both can cut into my ability to enjoy the fun stuff. If I've worked all day I'm resentful that there wasn't some lovely pool time, and if I've avoided or worried instead, maybe "sneaking" some fun in like a marathon reading session of a book I can't put down, then I'm also kind of miserable, because I didn't do my work. This summer I've decided to change things up. The first thing I realized I needed to change were my unreasonable expectations about what I can actually accomplish in a summer. Summer is not infinite, even though it seemed that way in early June back when we were seven years old. The other thing I realized is that I was tired of not enjoying the "fun" things because I was only half there, the other half of me worrying about the big projects that were sitting untouched. So I decided to get gentle with myself. I sat down and created a beautiful vision board for summer with lots of relaxing pinks and blues, and words like "gentle", "short and sweet", "easy" and "celebrate".
I decided to prioritize a couple of extra-fun things for myself. I'm studying French! I'm practicing French every day, something completely new to me, and it is such FUN! I'm also making sure there are plenty of excursions, big and small, this summer. About two days after I made this board, I headed out on the Appalachian Trail for a week, and look at what I saw on the first day!
It's like my vision board came to life before my eyes, with the exact same colors. The woods were full of pink rhododendrons and fluffy white mountain laurel. The clouds and sky were lavender and blue. Truly magical.
Oh, and the couple of big projects like my website and programs? Now that I've given myself some space and permission to have some real and unobstructed fun, they're happening too, in a reasonable and happy way. Free (mostly) of angst. I know - it sounds kind of pie in the sky. But it's amazing how some tiny mental shifts can make such a difference.
If you're in a similar boat and want a little more help getting your summer straight and having it be a tasty mix of fun and getting stuff done, you're invited to my one hour class called Pie in the Sky! It's on Tuesday, June 25, 7:30 p.m. Central, on the phone (recorded if you can't make it live), and it's going to be fabulous! Pie recipes will be included! We'll figure out how you can savor your summer instead of slog through it, while still getting some major stuff accomplished. Details and sign up here. Come join if it feels delicious!
Are you missing the three-leafed clovers?
I've had a really sick cat. (But he might be getting better.) And I'm not beyond being a little superstitious, even when it's a bit silly. So today, when we got home from the vet, he went out to rest in the grass and I decided to join him as I often do. Grass time is always important. And while I was sitting there, amidst the clover, I thought I'd search for a four-leafed clover. They're not as uncommon as you might think, and I thought finding one could be a sign. Something to comfort me. To convince me that everything would be ok, and that Buster isn't on his ninth life just quite yet. One like this one I found in about two minutes a month or so ago.
So I ruffled through the leaves, gazed past all the three-leafed clovers, looking for my prize. And then something happened. I got caught up in how pretty the raindrops looked on the leaves. I ruminated about the cycle of life, right there before me, in fresh clover flowers and ones that had already browned and gone to seed. I noticed how many shades of green there are, just in clover leaves.
And I realized I didn't need to find a four-leafed clover today. I already had my prize.
How often in life do we skip over all the beautiful everyday moments - the three-leafed clovers- while we're waiting and searching, anticipating our prize - a big event, a vacation, something major to look forward to? It's fascinating, isn't it?
How would life be different if we did a better job of noticing three-leafed clovers? All the small miracles - all the beauty and magic that surrounds us. How many millions of three-leafed clover moments are there - ready to be savored and appreciated?
What three-leafed clover moments have you noticed lately? I would love to hear about them. Share yours in the comments, if you like.
P. S. As I wrap up this post much later in the evening, I'm happy to report that the sweet cat has indeed revived, yet again. And I am savoring every 3-leafed moment with him.