White horses and the power of intention
I just returned from a sublime week in California, wrapping up my Master Coach training with Martha Beck herself. It was beyond special. I've had difficulty figuring out how to describe the experience with words. There was a convergence of beauty and energy of place, people, horses and nature. There was a collective intention to learn, love and share. I am beyond honored to be called a Master Coach, and of course I'm still learning and always will be. While I was working on my application for the Master Coach program back in March, I created a super-quick vision board one morning. It looked like this:
My favorite part of it was this woman draped in filmy orange fabric, a beautiful white horse behind her, its eyes peacefully closed. This was my intention for the horse coaching that I knew would come at the end of our training. At that point I just wanted to survive the horse coaching. I didn't know too much about it except that you couldn't hide anything from a horse. I had a crazy idea that the horses would gaze deep into my soul, find me wanting, and ignore me or run away. So this image , which I gazed at for many months leading up to my horse experience, well, it was there to comfort me. Maybe I would be like gauzy-dress-woman and a white horse would follow me. Peaceful. (I ignored the reality that the horse was probably blinking from the wind machine that had the model's hair going all crazy like that.)
So, the months went on. I completed myriad assignments. I received helpful feedback. I cried some. I hid some. I stepped out some. I tried all kinds of crazy ideas. I took some risks. I did my best to be present and to show up. And finally, the time came to show up in person at Martha's ranch.
I arrived just a little bit early with Erin, a fellow Master-Coach-to-be who was familiar with the ranch and the horses, as she's an expert Equus coach. (Thank you, Universe, for making those arrangements!) We had time to go see the beautiful labyrinth, which meant walking through a fenced area with horses. Two white horses!
So there I was. Me and a white horse. No boundaries between us. Plenty of room for it to ignore me and stay far away, disappointed with my lack-luster soul.
Ah, but that's not what happened. No. This horse came right up to me. Snuffled my face with his sweet velvety nose. Exhaled his grassy breath onto my cheek. (How had I never had that incredible experience before?) We took a selfie together. Erin said it appeared that he was very agreeably posing with me.
Wow. We hadn't even gotten to the horse coaching day and my vision had come true, minus orange see-through dress and wind machine.
Now I see white horses everywhere. I saw this beautiful one yesterday.
I bet he dresses up like a unicorn for Halloween!
I saw a spotted white and tan horse today, but didn't take a picture. I'm seeing them everywhere, in catalogs, in paintings. Nearly every day, a white horse. For now, they're talismans of what's possible, just like it said in the appropriately orange words I glued across gauzy-girl's waist. "Think what's possible." So much is possible. Me. A master coach. Hanging out for a weekend with Martha, Koelle, Jennifer, Bridgette. And my wonderful Master Coach cohort. Learning. Teaching. Sharing. Being.
So much is possible.
Vision boards help me with my intentions. They provide images for me to connect with, perhaps even on a subconscious level. And they are so much fun! If you're in the New Orleans area and love vision boards and wigs and dancing, it's still not too late to sign up for WIGS and WIGS this Thursday, November 14. Who knows what you might put on your board that may come true in the best way? Intention is a powerful tool.
And if you see a white horse, please say hello for me!
Want to Dare Greatly? Then be willing to be perfectly imperfect
I was recently on TV. You can watch it here:
We taped the segment four days before it aired. That gave me a lot of time to go through a giant rollercoaster of emotions. Right afterward I felt fantastic. I did it! How cool! It was fun! I didn't sweat too much or fall over or stumble over my words. I didn't let fear of something new get in my way of doing it.
A few hours later, I got hit with what Brene Brown calls a "shame storm." Oh my goodness. People were going to SEE this! They might not like it. They might think it was silly. Maybe I looked awful. Maybe I was slouching. Maybe people would laugh. Who am I to be on TV giving advice about to-do lists? Maybe I'm giving life coaches a bad name. I do so much more with my clients. Are people going to think this is all I do? I wanted to hide. Literally crawl under the bed. Then my logical and shaming-in-a different-kind-of-way self kicked in. "It's not that big a deal. Why are you freaking out over something so minor? There are people with real problems, you know!" I zoomed through this up and down rollercoaster of emotions all weekend.
Finally, it aired. And it was fine! More than fine! How silly of me to get so worked up!
I bet you've ridden a similar emotional rollercoaster, especially when you've chosen to "step into the arena", as Brene Brown says. When you've put yourself out there in a way that could be seen - and potentially judged.
A lot of people just skip it. It's too much. They stay on the sidelines, comfortable commenting on everyone else but not jumping into the fray themselves. It feels safer. Maybe they'll step out when they've lost 15 pounds, or dealt with the clutter, or learned a little more - they're not really enough of an expert yet.
But the world needs us to step up now. Even if we don't feel ready. Even if we aren't perfect yet. The truth (you already know this) is that you're never completely ready. And you're never, ever going to be perfect. And you're definitely never going to lose all fear. So what do you do? Here are four things to remember when you're looking for the courage to jump into the arena.
1. First, love your body. (love others’ bodies too!) Quit analyzing your turkey neck or your cottage cheese thighs or your poofy stomach. Love that your body gets you from here to there, or allows you to read, taste, touch and smell. Love your fingertips, or your eyes, or your pretty toes, or your cute kneecaps. Appreciate others’ bodies too – they are the real deal. Give yourself the challenge of finding something beautiful about every stranger you meet – young or old, big or small.
2. Give yourself a break. (give others a break too!) You don’t have to get everything perfect every time. You don’t need to present a flawless self. It’s exhausting. Yes, meet your deadlines, do your work, but lighten up when and where you can! And for the love of all that is holy, don’t spend too much time on Pinterest! Just make the cupcakes/write the blog post/finish the project.
3. Tell the truth to yourself. (tell it to others too!) If you don’t want to do something non-essential, don’t do it. If you don’t want to go somewhere, don’t go. If you don’t like something, don’t like it. Let others have their truth too. I practice this all the time in the hustly-bustly always-something-fun-happening world of New Orleans. Sometimes I really prefer to stay home and sit in the grass with the cat and a book. Sometimes the way I "dare greatly" is to do way more nothing in a world full of people doing a lot of something.
4. Let yourself feel, even the less “acceptable” feelings. (let others feel too.) Hey – sometimes you just feel bad. Sad. Mad. Scared. Notice it. feel it. Let yourself feel it. Go mope around for a while. Cry. Take a nap. Hide under the covers. Let others feel their feelings too.
I would love to discuss Brene's book, Daring Greatly, with you! Let's help each other gain some courage and have some fun in the process!
In town? Join me for real coffee and chatting about the book on a Sunday morning in October - October 6 to be exact. Details here. Out of town? Join me for virtual coffee and chatting about the book on that same Sunday evening, 7p.m. Central. Details here (scroll down past the wordless walk pics!)
Tame your to-do list with the 4 Bs!
We’ve all got to-do lists a mile long. Sometimes something languishes on my to-do list for months. Or years! There are just those tasks that I never get around to, and the to-do list starts to feel like a big shame list. How can it be a week/month/year later and I still have those things on my list? Ugh. What does your to do list look like? Does it make you go, “Ugh”? Then it’s probably not working as well for you as you’d like.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to cross things off a list – it feels great! And I bet you love checking stuff off too. But strangely, as soon as I cross something off, there are three new things to add. It’s never done. It’s never empty. There’s always more to do. It’s like the little brooms in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice that keep multiplying and multiplying.
So I have some tips for taming that to-do list, since it’s probably not going away. These come from my mentor, Martha Beck – and she’s one smart cookie!
They’re easy to remember – the Four Bs.
1. Bag it. This is a really good one. We have a lot of shoulds – I should go to yoga, I should go to that party, I should should should rearrange the towels in the linen closet. Sometimes we even tell ourselves we have to. I have to join that committee. I have to do this myself so it gets done right. Actually, you don’t have to do much of anything. There might be consequences if you don’t, but it’s very freeing to know you don’t have to. You can choose to. Choose to join the committee because it’s important to you. Or bag it and say no, you just don’t have the capacity to do that right now. You have a choice! And if you’re sleep deprived like most humans on the planet these days, maybe choose sleep. I regularly bag all kinds of activities in order to get the rest my body craves. And so far the world has not exploded because of it.
2. Barter it. See if you can find someone who loves to do that thing you can’t stand. This works great both at home and at work. I do all the dishes, but my husband does all the laundry. I feel like I’m getting a great deal! Someone else at work might love to organize, and you love to write and edit. Can you barter certain tasks? Can you trade? You can also hire out tasks as well. If it’s not getting done, and it’s stressing you out, maybe it’s worth it to have someone take care of it for you.
3. Better it. This is my absolute favorite. This works for anything. Face it, there’s a lot of stuff on our to-do lists that we don’t want to bag, and that we haven’t figured out how to barter. We’re gonna do them ourselves. So how can we better it? Think about your task and something you can do before, during or afterward to help you enjoy it more. Can you play music? Take a walk in a park before or afterward? Buy yourself a little treat when you finish the task? Oh, and here’s the cool thing about treats: Our mind processes all treats about the same. A treat is a treat. So a pack of gum or a magazine at the checkout to better your trip to the grocery is just as effective as something much bigger that might cost way more money, like a new pair of shoes. Lots of small treats all day long are super-great for your brain, and help you stay happy while you’re doing your regular routine. Take the dogs for a walk. Enjoy a hot bath. Play a game with your kids. Look for ways to make others smile while you’re getting your work done.
4. Batch it. I love this one too. This is great for getting a whole lot of similar tasks done, like emails or bills or some other project. Sometimes it’s helpful to block out a chunk of time and just do it all in one fell swoop. Take a Saturday morning to straighten your closet. Block out an hour to clear up your desk. Set a timer. Avoid distractions. And then reward yourself with a treat when you’re done!
I love to help people with big dreams, but the reality is that most of our daily life is full of regular tasks, so enjoying those and really savoring all the little stuff makes such a difference in our energy levels and then gives us the boost we’re looking for to accomplish something big like writing a novel or changing careers. So give these simple 4 Bs a try – let me know how you do by emailing me at carla@livingwildandprecious.com or leaving a comment below. I’d love to hear from you!
On butterflies, manure and being real
This summer we were on a day hike in the Smoky Mountains. We came across a beautiful group of yellow tiger swallowtail butterflies. As we got closer, we could see why they were so tightly gathered. They were all feeding off of the salts and minerals in a big pile of horse manure. These beautiful creatures were getting sustenance from something we’d rather not see, and certainly not step in. The butterflies were benefiting from the poop. It was important. It wasn’t just gross or wasteful or ugly. It had a purpose. It’s interesting. We know not to judge a book by its cover, we have been taught not to assume, we’ve been encouraged to be ourselves, follow our passions, stay true to our dreams, that we’re allowed to get messy in the process. I don’t think there’s one of us who hasn’t heard this advice.
And this is also what I see. I see images everywhere that have been “cleaned up” to make people look more conventionally beautiful. I see people afraid to let others know what they really like or care about, afraid to share their creations, afraid to share their real selves. Afraid to share the messiness.
And who might blame them? We live in a snarky world, full of people (many anonymous) ready to make a snippy comment or cutting remark. Ready to judge, judge, judge and find us coming up short.
Here’s the thing – we can’t make that potential for judgment go away. We can simply stay in our business, living our lives. And when we’re honest about ourselves and take the unnecessary judgment off ourselves (and others), we’re leading the way for others to do the same. Then we can enjoy simply being alive.
Here’s a recent photo I took and shared:
Those beautiful night-blooming flowers by the outdoor tub? They are also popular with the giant roaches (lovingly called palmetto bugs) who also live outside. The tub has duct tape over the overflow hole and a rust-stained bottom.
All of that doesn’t discount the beauty of the flowers, just like the horse manure doesn’t discount the beauty of the butterflies.
Oh, also. There’s dust on the twinkly Christmas lights in our bathroom. There are crumbs in our car. Sometimes I don’t do the dishes. Sometimes we eat popcorn for dinner.
That doesn’t discount the pretty meals I make with farmers’ market tomatoes or the laughter in the kitchen or the love in our house.
I think we all need to give ourselves a little bit of a break. And be ourselves.
You know these picture on this website? The photos are waay natural. They are me. When you meet me, that’s what I look like. I’m wearing hardly any makeup, which is normal for me (unless it’s WIGS and WIGS night or Mardi Gras!) I have wrinkles around my eyes. My hair is not really “done” – it never is! My teeth are not blindingly white, or particularly straight.
That doesn’t discount the light in my eyes, or the love I have of working with people to help them find their right life.
Sometimes I feel like more butterfly, less manure, and sometimes the other way around, but either way, it’s the being real that makes me who I truly am.
What can you put in these blanks? I ______________________, but that doesn’t discount _________________________ Email me your answers or put them in the comments!
SIMU - it's worse than FOMO!
Have you heard of FOMO? It stands for Fear Of Missing Out and I've seen it mentioned in at least a dozen places in recent months. Apparently, we're all way more susceptible to this now that we can't just see what the neighbors are doing, but instead we're plugged into everyone's life and their pretty photos of their cocktails or dance party or beach vacation or whatever. And Instagram filters make everything look so arty! While we plug into social media and all the rest of the media out there, instead of enjoying where we are, we wonder why we're not in Bali, or climbing some mountain in South America, or at that cool new restaurant that everyone is talking about. And we get all full of anxious chemicals. So we're usually instructed to unplug for goodness sake and pay attention to whatever we're actually doing. And/or take our own photos of cocktails or babies or cats or mountains - and enjoy how pretty they look on Instagram too! (At least this is what I do - I love an arty Instagram photo!) But there's something just as insidious as FOMO, at least for me. I call it SIMU and that stands for S#%t I Made Up. Or Stuff I Made Up if you prefer. And this is something I used to do to myself (honestly I still do it sometimes!) without any help or cocktail photos from anyone else. I would create gigantic lists of stuff that had to get done. I would come up with plans to do way more than is actually possible for someone like me who also likes to nap. And then I would fill up with anxious chemicals when I'd only do ten percent of it. I'd wake up stressing about how I was gonna get it all done and go to bed stressing about what I didn't do.
This wasn't stuff I had to do - it was Stuff I Made Up! In the world of self-help we can really make some serious lists of everything that's going to edify us and make us better people. But the truth is, none of it was crucial. If i didn't feel like yoga class one day, so what? If I didn't feel like writing in my journal, so what? If I didn't feel like blogging, the world would not stop. Slowly, slowly, I've been learning to stop stressing about self-imposed made up stuff, and get clearer and clearer about what it is that I actually want to do. Sometimes I want to practice yoga. Sometimes I want to blog. Often I want to write. I always want to read!
In the 21st century first world, pretty much everything we stress about is made up. By us. Fabricated. Most of what we tell others we're so busy doing and preparing for and overwhelmed by is purely by choice. We could survive, and potentially thrive, with way less. Sometimes the fabrications are created by society and culturally ingrained so they feel real, but they're still made up. Which means we have a choice.
I'm choosing to give up some of my SIMU in order to be able to savor whatever I'm doing in the moment. There is magic in what is happening now. Especially when I pick something to engage in that I love, that challenges me or piques my curiosity. Something I really want to do, not what I think I'm supposed to want to do. Something related to my own desires, not societal expectations.
And then I pick that thing and show up. All the way. All senses present. Instead of half there because my mind has drifted off to some other place in the past or future. Whether it's sitting in the grass doing nothing, practicing my French (still loving that!), writing a blog post or making a pie, I'm there. I might take an Instagram photo though- and make it all arty... :)
How about you? Have you discovered some SIMU recently that you don't feel like doing anymore? What would your summer feel like if you dumped the SIMU every day that you just don't want to do? Would that give you more time and space for the stuff you really care about, the stuff that you keep putting off?
If you want to chat about this further, come join my class tonight called Pie in the Sky -it's all about bringing back the fun and getting something done this summer, and one strategy is to dump your unwanted SIMU. And if you're reading this blog post way after the fact, the class will be recorded, so you can get it anytime!