30 Day Challenge Day 8 - Black and White or Shades of Grey?

Say you skip a day accidentally or on purpose with something you've been meaning to stick to - a diet, an exercise plan, a 30 Day Challenge... What does your mind do?  Does it immediately go into Chicken Little "OH MY GOD!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!" mode?  Does it tell you you're a failure?  Does it tell you to go back to square one - to start over - that anything you did up to this point, no matter how many days in a row, DOES NOT COUNT because you missed a day?

That, my friends, is called black and white thinking.  And according to Martha Beck in The Four Day Win, it's one of the hallmarks of people who have trouble losing weight (or organizing their lives, managing their time, and taming their paper piles!)  It is however, curable, thank goodness.  It's all about recognizing those thoughts.  You just have to watch your cute little Chicken Little mind and tell it to calm down.  You've got this.  One slice of pie or missed yoga class or unattended junk mail stack is not going to bring you down.  You will keep going.  You will be fine.   You will teach your mind to see shades of grey.  All is definitely not lost.

So far I haven't missed a day.  I enjoyed grass time this morning with two cats.  I went through a stack of old photos (we used to get double prints back in the age of film, and that makes for a lot of pictures that really don't need to be saved), and I worked on my whimsical cardinal drawing.

Turns out that's where my thoughts needed looking at! Here's a selection:

"This isn't going to turn out very well." "You don't know what you're doing." "Oh NO!  You're going to wreck it!"  "Real artists would have a plan for this instead of just winging it."  "Are you going to POST that for people to see?  What will they THINK???" "Why didn't you just leave it?"  "OMG."

Oh yes - another hallmark of people who struggle with weight loss, or getting things done, or managing their time, or letting themselves try creative writing or painting, is being critical.  Especially self-critical.  It can really stop you in your tracks.

So I just listened politely to my Chicken Little brain and said, "Thanks so much for your input.  We have to let ourselves mess up.  We have to try things.  It's ok to play.  I don't have plans for a gallery show at the Louvre.  There's no such thing as messing this up - we really don't need to be attached to those cardinals!  We can draw more if we feel like it!  Relax and enjoy!  This is fun!  I'm curious to see how it will all turn out! This isn't a final piece - it is just for us - it's in a sketchbook for goodness sake!  We are playing!  La la la!  Breathe!"

Yes - there's all kinds of black and white thinking to watch for.  If your brain says anything with the word always or never - or even with a version of the verb "to be" - as in "I'm disorganized", "I'm not a good artist", "I'm too heavy"  -- it sounds permanent and it's a sign of black and white thinking or assuming that things that are one way will always be that way- assuming fixed conditions.  What if we replaced those thoughts with, "My desk contains some extra papers." "I learn a lot when I play with art supplies." or "Right now my body has some extra weight." These don't sound as permanent or like they're part of our being - they're just circumstances and they are subject to change. They're not fixed conditions. They offer us many shades of grey to play with.

Here's what's happening with my whimsical cardinals (I spent a lot of the 30 minutes today staring and thinking, and stalling - see above) And here's a view of the sky from my grass time spot:

What kinds of black and white thinking or fixed condition thinking do you find yourself needing to watch for?

P.S.  During the past 6 days of this challenge, I also read all three 50 Shades of Grey books.  I will admit that I was entertained.  And I had no idea the story was ultimately so sweet.  I was prepared for something more 9 1/2 weeks and it was more like Harlequin Romance with a little steamy and kinky thrown in.  And this blog post title is totally a gratuitous reference to the Shades of Grey phenomenon - no doubt! ;)

30 Day Challenge Day 7: Have to or choose to?

Which feels better:  "I have to do it" or "I choose to do it?"  Because I don't have to do this 30 day challenge.  I don't have to do most things in life.  I don't have to eat healthy or pay my bills or be nice to people or clean the house or practice meditation. Most of the time, I choose to do these things, or at least some of them. I'm choosing to do this 30 day challenge because I want to prioritize creativity in my day.  I'm choosing to keep at it because I want to see what happens.

If I think to myself, "Ugh.  I have to go draw right now because I said I would" it feels like a chore.  Like an imposition from some external place.  Like following a diet or an organization plan.  Like it's not my choice.

But if I think to myself, "Yay!  I'm taking care of myself by prioritizing my creativity and playing with colors and paper and seeing what happens!  I can't wait!" - now that feels much better.

I can believe either thought.  They both go with the circumstance of taking on a 30 day challenge.  I'm picking the second one.  And check out what I can do when I give myself 30 minutes of play with paper!

I was inspired by this artist's work that I cut out and put in a notebook years ago.  I think I'm going to do something similar with my picture of two cardinals that I copied out of Peterson's bird book.  Lately I'm into copying (not tracing - just copying to get the main gist) from something already two-dimensional.  That's what feels fun.

Now I'm excited about playing with this drawing some more tomorrow and making it all whimsical and dreamlike!

And here's a view from my grass time spot.  These little Mexican petunias look a little like crinkly tissue paper after all the rain.

30 Day Challenge: Day 6 - Disaster?

I don't know about you, but I'm so good about creating a bunch of rules, following them for a few days, breaking them and then feeling crappy.  I think this is how most diets go, no?  Or any kind of resolution? I am so very determined to approach this whole thing differently this time.

I have to admit my ulterior motives.  I'm letting myself draw daily because I secretly want to have it make me more productive in other ways.  I guess this would be the same as someone saying daily affirmations, but what they really want is for that to help them lose weight.

So today, I drew.  I had my grass time.  I even cleaned under the sink, dusted and attended to my paper piles (which are pretty much non-existent because I deal with them every day- yay!)  And I made a cake.  Vegan.  From scratch.  (I am not a vegan, not even a vegetarian, but I was curious so gave it a shot.  Not bad!)  So my inner critic should be happily checking off the list, giving me gold stars, waving her pompoms around - something!

Instead, I'm thinking about how an unscheduled day where I had grand plans to work on some bigger projects (those ones I keep avoiding) slipped away.  I did take some turtle steps and I may do a little more later, but still - I can feel my body reacting with tension from my mind's thoughts about how I didn't do enough.

And that's what's made this type of challenge unsustainable for me in the past.  Doesn't matter what I do, my mind gets disappointed, pointing out all the other stuff that didn't get done.

So I'm just listening to my body.  Feeling it protest  -  agreeing with it. "Yes, this tight jaw is going to make this thing unsustainable... I understand...let's go lay down and just breathe and relax for five minutes. I know - just ignore the mind - five minutes isn't going to make or break anything.  Body, you get to call the shots. I'm listening more this time."

It would so help if today's drawing remotely resembled the original photo.

Photo:

Drawing:

Don't judge - believe me - I have already noted every single thing that isn't working!  I'm not trying to make a living as an artist - I'm just trying to let myself play, and drawing and coloring and playing around with trying to match the colors was fun, even if the outcome wasn't so fabulous.

Here's the very best part that I've saved for last.  These little guys keep showing up to remind me to SLOW DOWN!!  Take a breath for goodness sake!  I saw a dozen of them in about a two foot area during post-rain grass time today!

So no, today was not a disaster.  I have homemade vegan cake for goodness sake!  And tofu cream to put on top (frosting alternative- jury's still out).  And I am breathing.  And I am grateful and lucky!

The time management anti-diet

Ok.  Here's what I've decided.  I have a somewhat complex relationship with time similar to some people's somewhat complex relationship with food.  I've managed to deal with it for the most part and make it look pretty good from the outside, similar to how someone might diet themselves into submission but always worry about a relapse or how someone might binge and binge on junk food and then feel terrible, shameful and yucky afterward, even if it doesn't affect their actual weight, either because they don't do it very often or because there's purging involved too. This is not to make light of anyone's difficulties with food, or to say that I'm experiencing the same thing as someone with those difficulties.  However I do believe there are similarities, and that they're both serious issues that can get in the way of living our best lives.  So I'm going to step out into the open and talk about it - and see what happens when I shed a little light on something that I think is a big challenge for many. Just like overweight people know that all they need to do is eat less and move more, I know that all I need to do is use my time wisely and take care of my stuff.  Duh.  Easy.  So if it were that simple we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic. And we wouldn't have television shows like hoarders, and there would never be a giant pile of papers about ten inches high on my desk.

I've determined that it's time to take a new approach to my time and organization.  I'm going to use the science behind my thoughts and behaviors to change my relationship with my time and my stuff.  I'm using Martha Beck's book, The Four Day Win, as a guide.  Even though it's written for weight loss, I'm figuring out that it's all the same stuff.  Let me explain.

Martha says what happens when you put yourself on a diet is that you end up with "famine brain".  All you think about is food and you are suddenly hungrier than ever, and your body, now that it's received signals from your brain that all the food is being reduced, does everything it can to conserve energy and hang onto every molecule of fat just in case you never eat again.

Similarly, when I try to "finally get fully organized and manage my time like a grown up", my mind starts freaking out with cries of, "There's not enough time!"  Which then causes my body to immediately want to give up and go to sleep. It's truly fascinating.

So today was the first day of a new approach, which includes the "actual dealing with time and stuff" part, similar to "actually eating less and moving more".  I'm spending ten minutes per day on paper piles of any type - they're actually not too bad right now because I've been working on them in this way for months.  So I'm sort of at the spot that someone might be who is looking to shed the last 15 pounds to get to their most natural, "feel good" weight. I'm looking to shift my attitude toward time and stuff in a way that will "feel good" forever.

My reward for doing ten minutes on my paper piles is a sticker.  Yep.  That's all I need.  I love to put a sticker on my calendar!  After four days, I get a bigger reward, which is 30 minutes of doing absolutely whatever I feel like doing, ideally a creative something that I keep putting off, but I'm going to wait and see about that part.

Most importantly, the other thing I'm doing for the next four days (I get a sticker for this as well) is observing my "time famine" brain.  Observing and watching and learning.  Getting really curious about what my brain has to say.  Today, knowing that this was the first day of a new approach to time, I slept in. Not part of the plan!  Thanks, brain!  Quite a bit later I felt panicky when I looked at the clock and it was already 1 p.m.  My mind was screeching, "NOT ENOUGH TIME!!! AAAAAHHH!!!"  Which led to my body responding with, "Give up! GO TO SLEEP!" I just observed nonchalantly.  And did my work.  And hosted an incredibly beautiful moonlit wordless walk tonight. More on that, and time, and turtles, tomorrow.  Yay!

Too early, too late, too soon, not soon enough

Someone emails you a question, and you read it and know the answer.  You could email them back right away and tell them.  Or your mind might get in the way.  "You're not even supposed to be checking email right now!"  "They'll think you're not busy, just hanging out on your computer if you respond right away!"  "It's 9 p.m. on a Friday night - what will people think if you respond to an email now?  They'll think you don't have a fun social life!"  Oh, Mind, you are so very funny.

Or let's switch to blogging.  You have an idea, some cool photos, a basic plan of what to write.  But then your mind pipes in.  "It's too early to write - let's do some other stuff."  Or, "It's too late - we'll do it tomorrow when we're fresh." Or "That post would make more sense on a Friday and it's only Thursday."  Or "Those photos are from an event last week - who wants to read about that now!  Too late!"

Your somewhat nutty but well-meaning mind has you putting things off, waiting because it's too soon, and then abandoning because - Oh! Now it's too late.

Guess what?  None of it is true.  And it really gets in the way of getting valuable stuff done.

So want a real life example?  (I only know this stuff because my mind has its nutty moments!)  Way back in April, an extraordinary fellow blogger named Jackie featured me in a beautiful Shine post on her site.  And I never really told anyone about it!  Why?  Because of my mind.  First it seemed too soon.  Then I was busy, then I was out of town, then I was out of town again, then it seemed too late.

If this ever happens to you, tell your mind to shhhhh... and do the thing.  It's not too soon. To write your memoirs.  To dust under the bed, even if you did it last week.  To call your mom.  To try that business idea.  Or if you don't do it and your mind says it's too late, again tell your mind hush.  It's not too late.  To send the thank you note.  To organize your finances.  To plan that vacation you've been dreaming of. To start taking care of your body.

So, without further ado, here's the link to a Q&A session with Jackie - I loved her questions and loved doing this interview!  Perhaps reading this link is exactly what you need today, and that's why I'm posting it, two months later in June.  That's what I'm believing tonight.  Thanks again, Jackie for the insightful questions!