The power of story, and an intervention by angels...

Within the first couple hours of our road trip to Colorado earlier this month, we lost a wallet.  Not fun, right?  Here's what happened.  We stopped at a convenience store just over an hour away from home to grab some soda and juice.  My sweetheart started to give me his wallet to pay, and I said, no - it's ok - I have mine.

We kept driving.  To Alexandria, Louisiana.  Now about four and a half hours from home.  And we got to the hotel, and my sweetheart said, "Honey, what did you do with my wallet?"  Oh.  No.  My stomach dropped.  Had he handed me his wallet while he went to the bathroom?  What did I do with it?  Did I leave it on the counter? We searched high and low.  In every possible nook and cranny in the car.  We didn't find it.  It was 10 p.m.

Ok, so I asked myself, what's perfect about this?  (Very hard in a situation like this, believe me.)  I always start with, "We're ok."  Then, "There wasn't that much money in it.", Then, "Only one credit card to cancel."  We got on the phone and took care of that.

Then there was the matter of the driver's license.  And here the angels intervened.  1. We were still in Louisiana.  2.  We had internet and a laptop to easily search for Motor Vehicle offices.  3.  The office in Alexandria was literally less than a five-minute drive from our hotel! Can't you hear the angelic choirs singing??

We went there the next day, first thing.  And there wasn't much of a wait.  (Go, angels!) And they renewed my sweetheart's license so he won't have to wait in line in a couple of months in New Orleans.  And then it was done and we were on our way.

"Ok", you say.  "I get it. Angels intervened. But what about the power of story? Why is that in the title?"  Well, a couple of reasons.  We could have used a lot of energy telling a really different story about this.  About how awful it was.  About how we couldn't believe that no one had turned in the wallet (we did call the convenience store - amazing that we were able to remember which one and find its number online!) About all the money we'd lost.  About the hassle of changing online accounts to new credit card numbers.  About how stupid I was for leaving the wallet on the counter, or wherever I'd left it.  We could have seen it as a "bad omen" for our whole trip.

But we didn't.  We had a fantastic trip.  We didn't even think about it much except that my sweetie had to ask me for my credit card when we'd stop for gas.

And then we came home.  And you will never guess what was on my sweetheart's desk. Did you guess? You're right! His wallet.  Because he'd never brought it in the first place. He'd only offered to pay.  He had never actually handed me his wallet!  We'd completely fabricated that part of the story!

And here's where the angels actually intervened.  What if we had realized we didn't have the wallet at the convenience store- one hour away from home?  We would have probably driven back to get it, which would have taken more than twice as long as what we ended up doing.  And it would have been a very un-fun two hours.  In traffic.

I make up stories all the time - I create motives, fabricate background information, and selectively remember facts.  And I just finished a book, a rather dark book, but an incredible story that illustrates this so well.  It's called The Sense of An Ending, by Julian Barnes.  It's a short, engaging novel that so clearly illustrates the power of story to affect real lives.  You'll think you know what's happening right up until the end - I won't spoil it.

So, what stories are you telling yourself these days about the circumstances around you?  Do you have a good example of how you turned around what seemed like crummy circumstances into a better story?  Are you noticing the intervention of angels/the universe/luck, or whatever you want to call it, in your life?  I'd love to hear!  Email me at carla@livingwildandprecious.com or share your story in the comments below.

No more waiting for normal

A very un-normal anniversary breakfast - definitely special!

Have you ever said to yourself, "I'll get to that when things get back to normal.  They're just so crazy right now!"  Do you wonder when you're going to have a "normal" day where you can accomplish all those tasks and routines that never seem to get done because of some unusual or unexpected event that pops up?  Do you get frustrated because your vision for daily life isn't the way you actually live?

Recently, in a coaching mastery class, I was encouraged to "claim business hours."  This makes a ton of sense, as those of us who are entrepreneurs can find ourselves working all hours of the day and night, leading to exhaustion and burnout if we're not careful.  My master coach confessed to texting in the tub back in the days before she claimed her own business hours.

Well,  all I can say is I'm working on it.  This is harder than I thought!  And the reason I'm finding is that I never seem to have a "normal" day where I can stick to a set routine.  Our car breaks down and we need to buy another one.  And then I need to go back to the dealership to handle paperwork, pick up the license plate, etc.  Or it's Jazz Festival and we have house guests.  Or it's Mardi Gras and we have house guests, not to mention parades! Or a friend experiences a sudden loss.  Or someone gets sick. Or I need to do taxes. Or I'm going out of town.  Or the moon is full and I take our visitors out to the swamp for an impromptu moonlit wordless walk.

So I've given up on normal.  I'm not sure that "normal" days exist!  And instead of worrying about it, I'm just embracing each day as special.  I can still set general goals, make sure I'm not working all the time and have a basic idea of what I'd like to accomplish.  Then when I inevitably move things around and do everything in a completely different order than I'd envisioned, with new activities tossed in and other tasks abandoned, I can remember that all is well. And it doesn't make sense to wait for "normal" to prioritize what's most important to me. Normal's never going to come. Instead, it's another unique, special day, in a very happily un-normal life.

What about you?  Does your "real life" match your vision of "normal life"?  Do you get frustrated with surprises and interruptions or adapt to them?  Do you prefer strict routines or just a basic framework?  What makes your days special?  How do you embrace the unexpected?  Please feel free to share your stories, thoughts and tips in the comments - I'd love to hear from you!

Tackling tricky to-dos

Do you ever have something on your to-do list that you really want to do - deep in your heart you want to do it - you just know you do - yet day after day it doesn't get done?  Something you value.  Something you know will make you feel great once it's done.  Something that will benefit you, or someone else. Something that will make your heart feel warm and glow-y.

What the heck?  Why does it sit there, day after day? This task or project - this call to make, this card to send, this blog post to write (ahem!), this creative fun thing you've been dreaming of for weeks - why does it remain on your list - undone, un-checked-off?

Why would you not do it when you really want to?  What's happening?

Well, perhaps you've made it so important in your mind that you've made it difficult to start and finish.  Or maybe it's a task with too many steps - pick the right card, find a stamp, find the address, say the meaningful thing from your heart that you want to say (will you be able to express the contents of your heart clearly enough?), get it out to mail. . .  so it stays undone.

Or maybe it's so easy you keep thinking you'll do it later - it won't take long to make that call, write that blog post - but then you wait and  it's the wrong time in the zone you're calling - it's too early/too late, too close to tomorrow (as in midnight) - so you put it off one more day.

Maybe you finally do it.  And it FEELS SO GOOD to get it done.

So you ask yourself, "Why??  Why can't I remember how fantastic it feels next time this situation happens? Why will I find myself in the exact same boat-- at midnight, looking at a list of happy little tasks, none of which are that complicated, and none of which I did today? Why does my mind toss out the 'doing it later will be fine' line?  Why do I fall for it every time?  How do I ever change?

Hmm.  I can think of a couple of possibilities.

1. Recognize when your mind is lulling you into avoidance.  And when it does, really listen.  Sometimes your mind is making a solid point.  Sometimes you've really loaded up your list - sure they're all cute little lovely tasks, but there are thirty of them!  Come on!  No wonder your mind is encouraging you to take a nap!

2. If it's not because your to do list is overloaded (but I bet that's the reason, I'm just saying) then picture how it's going to feel when the task is done.  Put yourself there, in that brief Nirvana of glowy-heart-ness.  Then set your timer for five minutes and start.  Find the stamp, the address, the card.  Sit down to write.  By the time five minutes are up, you'll be riding the momentum of doing.  You'll easily finish the job now.  Congratulate yourself!  Pat yourself on the back!  And promise that you'll give yourself no more than three other happy little to-do tasks today.  Not thirty.  After all, there's have-to do things too - like taxes, job emails, whatever.  They gotta get done too - and if you're also avoiding them, well-- we'll deal with that in another post!

Now go sit in the grass in the sunshine for a little while.  Buster would approve of that being on your to-do list...

Arguing with Mother Nature

The magnolias started flowering in mid-January.  And I got sad.  And then I started making calculations, and wishing.  Wishing for things to slow down.  Wishing for time to stop - for the trees to stay in their pink and white spangled glory.  Wishing for the flowers not to fade, for the green leaves that follow the flowers to wait a little longer.  You see, my mom is coming to visit in about ten days.  And last year, around Valentine's Day, our star magnolia tree in the yard was full of fragrant, saucer-sized blooms that looked like this: And the city was awash with pink.  And I wanted my mom to get to see that this year. But everything is too early - it's going to be over by then.

So, a couple of weeks ago, when I drove past a tree in crazy full-pink bloom, I would argue with Mother Nature in my head.  I thought things like, "Can't this just wait a little longer?"  or my favorite - a simple, "Nooooo!"

Not a great way to enjoy one of the most spectacular annual natural treats in the city.

Then I realized what I was doing.  I was refusing to enjoy something beautiful because I wanted it to happen at a different time.  I was seriously arguing with reality.  No matter how hard I wished or what kinds of imagining I did, the trees were not going to suddenly go back in time to fuzzy buds.  They weren't going to wait.  And I could be present and enjoy it, or miss it completely.

How many times do we do this? We do it with the weather -- it's raining right now as I write this -- will it still be raining for the big parade tonight?  Who knows, but I don't think I can mind control it to stop! We do it with people we know and love.  How many times do we find ourselves trying to change someone else with our thoughts- convincing ourselves that everything would be fine and we could enjoy ourselves if they would just act differently, for heaven's sake!

The truth is, the only thing we really have the power to change is our own viewpoint.  Our own lens.  Life gets a whole lot lighter when we aren't trying to get other people to be different or make the weather the way we want.  It gets lighter when we stay in our own business - taking care of what we really can do something about.

So the past few days, I've been admiring the trees.  Smelling the blooms.  Enjoying the fallen petals.  Remembering that this blooming doesn't last, and reminding myself to enjoy this beautiful, rainy, flowering, present moment.

When my mom gets here there will be plenty of lovely, special, and perhaps even surprising things to enjoy, even if they aren't pink magnolia blooms.

Creating our reality: A moon story

Our minds are very powerful.  They are experts at providing us whatever evidence we need to believe the thoughts we have.  And here's a story about one of my favorite examples of this spectacular capability. Back when I was a teacher, when I would begin a unit on the moon with my eighth graders, inevitably a good portion of them would insist that the moon is never out during the day.  These were not sheltered children.  They were kids who went camping with their families, played soccer, took vacations to exotic locales.

But in their minds, the moon was out at night.  They'd gathered lots of evidence to support this thought, from Goodnight Moon to werewolf movies.  And when they saw the moon at night, their mind stored that image as more proof that the moon is, indeed, out at night.

So why did they not notice the moon out during the day, like in the photo above?  Statistically, the moon is out during the day just as much as it's out at night.  So what happened?  How could they miss something so gigantic and obvious?

Well, they had no thought to support that evidence.  So they didn't even see it.  Until I walked them out of the classroom to look up at a blue sky with a white moon.  Even then, some students could not fathom that it was the moon.  "That's the sun!", they said.  It took a lot more evidence mixed in with compassion and patience for them to form the thought, "The moon is sometimes visible during the day", and then they could begin gathering the evidence to back up their new thought.

We so want to trust our mind.  It seems so smart, so capable.  It stores so much information for us.  But it can't hold evidence for thoughts we don't have.  And it's great at holding evidence for thoughts we do have, even if -- perhaps especially if-- those thoughts are negative.  Hey-- it's just trying to protect us--  to keep us safe -- so we don't get too big for our britches or dream too big.  It's so good at remembering all the reasons why we can't do this or that - even ones that date back to something someone said to us in second grade.

So what do we do?  We make new thoughts, so we can provide the space for new evidence - for all the good stuff we might be missing - stuff as big as the moon!