SIMU - it's worse than FOMO!

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Have you heard of FOMO?  It stands for Fear Of Missing Out and I've seen it mentioned in at least a dozen places in recent months.  Apparently, we're all way more susceptible to this now that we can't just see what the neighbors are doing, but instead we're plugged into everyone's life and their pretty photos of their cocktails or dance party or beach vacation or whatever.  And Instagram filters make everything look so arty! While we plug into social media and all the rest of the media out there, instead of enjoying where we are, we wonder why we're not in Bali, or climbing some mountain in South America, or at that cool new restaurant that everyone is talking about.  And we get all full of anxious chemicals. So we're usually instructed to unplug for goodness sake and pay attention to whatever we're actually doing.  And/or take our own photos of cocktails or babies or cats or mountains - and enjoy how pretty they look on Instagram too! (At least this is what I do - I love an arty Instagram photo!) But there's something just as insidious as FOMO, at least for me.  I call it SIMU and that stands for S#%t I Made Up.  Or Stuff I Made Up if you prefer. And this is something I used to do to myself (honestly I still do it sometimes!) without any help or cocktail photos from anyone else.  I would create gigantic lists of stuff that had to get done.  I  would come up with plans to do way more than is actually possible for someone like me who also likes to nap.  And then I would fill up with anxious chemicals when I'd only do ten percent of it.  I'd wake up stressing about how I was gonna get it all done and go to bed stressing about what I didn't do.

This wasn't stuff I had to do - it was Stuff I Made Up!  In the world of self-help we can really make some serious lists of everything that's going to edify us and make us better people.  But the truth is, none of it was crucial.  If i didn't feel like yoga class one day, so what? If I didn't feel like writing in my journal, so what?  If I didn't feel like blogging, the world would not stop.  Slowly, slowly, I've been learning to stop stressing about self-imposed made up stuff, and get clearer and clearer about what it is that I actually want to do. Sometimes I want to practice yoga.  Sometimes I want to blog.  Often I want to write.  I always want to read!

In the 21st century first world, pretty much everything we stress about is made up.  By us. Fabricated. Most of what we tell others we're so busy doing and preparing for and overwhelmed by is purely by choice.  We could survive, and potentially thrive, with way less. Sometimes the fabrications are created by society and culturally ingrained so they feel real, but they're still made up. Which means we have a choice.

I'm choosing to give up some of my SIMU in order to be able to savor whatever I'm doing in the moment.  There is magic in what is happening now.  Especially when I pick something to engage in that I love, that challenges me or piques my curiosity.  Something I really want to do, not what I think I'm supposed to want to do.  Something related to my own desires, not societal expectations.

And then I pick that thing and show up.  All the way.  All senses present.  Instead of half there because my mind has drifted off to some other place in the past or future.  Whether it's sitting in the grass doing nothing, practicing my French (still loving that!), writing a blog post or making a pie, I'm there. I might take an Instagram photo though- and make it all arty... :)

How about you?  Have you discovered some SIMU recently that you don't feel like doing anymore?  What would your summer feel like if you dumped the SIMU every day that you just don't want to do?  Would that give you more time and space for the stuff you really care about, the stuff that you keep putting off?

If you want to chat about this further, come join my class tonight called Pie in the Sky -it's all about bringing back the fun and getting something done this summer, and one strategy is to dump your unwanted SIMU.  And if you're reading this blog post way after the fact, the class will be recorded, so you can get it anytime!

Five ways I stopped letting money get in the way

I run into this situation with clients somewhat regularly.  Something having to do with money is the obstacle keeping them from truly living the wild and precious lives they want. There's not enough money, they have a giant mortgage, moving to the place of their dreams (often near water) or going back to school would cost too much, etc., etc. Of course, there are plenty of facts to support their concerns.  Some clients have some kind of major debt on top of everything else.  And while I wish I did, I don't have a magic wand to wave around to make debt disappear, replaced by giant cartoon bags of money with dollar signs on the outside!  (That would be cool, wouldn't it?)

What I can offer are some tools to turn the whole money puzzle around. About ten years ago, I figured out what to do over a series of years and months. A "perfect storm" of books and resources all seemingly magically showed up at about the same time, and I was ready to dive into their wisdom.

Years later, here are the five biggest takeaways that I've figured out that made a difference for us.  They might do the same for you!

1. Pay attention.  Most spending that we're sorry about later happens when we purposefully stop paying attention.  We really don't want to know.  Have you ever taken a receipt for a meal or an outfit or a cart of groceries and not even looked at it? Either tossed it away or shoved it back into your wallet?  Have you said aloud or to yourself, "I don't even want to know how much that cost."  Well, there you have it.  Like a scientist doing an experiment, you have to start paying attention to the data and collecting some information, or you'll have no idea what's happening and you can't make a conclusion or analyze your results, or make changes that will work better for you in the future.

2. Stop trying to impress people.  I know, I know. You think you don't do this.  You're a well-adjusted person who makes choices based upon what you want.  You don't care a bit what other people think. Well, perhaps your evolved self doesn't care, but I can almost guarantee there's at least  some very tiny part of your brain that's keeping a pretty interesting tally of where you fit in a never-ending comparison game with others.  With their cars, or their homes, or their vacations.  Or the quality and value of their holiday gifts.  Once you really figure out what you want and get off the status hamster wheel to nowhere, you might be really surprised at the number of cartoon money bags accumulating around your feet!

3. Avoid "budgeting". Setting up budgets and deprivational systems that don't take into account the surprise root canal or cat vet emergency or hole in the roof or sink that won't drain or stolen bicycle or car that died completely - these systems are almost always doomed to fail.  (By the way, all the examples above happened to us in the past eight months!  They will really put a wrench into any budget, let me tell you!) There are other great options (see #1 above) that will work just as well as budgeting and won't make you feel like you've failed when the unexpected expenses for the month add up to more than you'd budgeted for all of your food and incidentals combined.

4. Make it a game. Solving your money issues is so much more effective when you can have fun while doing it! Contests with yourself or family members, charts, challenges, stickers - you'd be surprised how well these types of methods will work. How much fun can you have with just $5? Try that one today!

5. Figure out what's enough for you.  You have to master #2 to really pull this one off.  This is my favorite and most important step and it will completely turn around your money situation. Figuring out what's enough seems so simple, but you have to realize that there are outside forces all around you sending messages of lack and need, creating wants you didn't even know you had. It's called advertising, and no matter how smart you are, it works.  On you.

These are just a few of the things we've learned (you can see they're common sense and don't involve anything creepy or complicated like a pyramid scheme or buying foreclosed properties.) And we have no debt whatsoever.  Even our house is paid for.  We have enough liquid to live on for a year or more if we really needed to.  We have retirement funds.  We have a really happy life with plenty of trips and vacations (This year, a conference in Arizona, hiking on the AT for a week, three different beach trips, a mastermind coach weekend, a road trip to the mountains of Colorado, a trip to see family in Baltimore, a fall camping trip, and a New Orleans staycation getaway!) Our fridge is full of delicious and indulgent food. You get the picture.

And we did this with a very moderate amount coming in - at first two teachers' salaries and now just one teacher salary and one entrepreneur income. You don't need to be making six figures or even half that to transform your relationship with money. Give these tips a try and see what happens!

And check out The Indulgent Path to Money Management - a course I offer both virtually and locally a few times a year - if you'd like more support in living a happy life with the money you have.

30 Day Challenge: Day 25 - room for everything

How is it that I never had room before for 30 minutes of drawing?  Have I really created a habit?  Can I keep this up when my schedule becomes fuller during the school year?  Can I become braver about not over-scheduling? Can I keep prioritizing what really matters to me? These are the kinds of questions my clients begin to ask themselves when they start making changes, and the answers are, of course, up to them.   And for my challenge, the answers are totally up to me.

I'm getting excited about taking one more deliberate step toward having a life I love.  Things have been fantastic overall for years and years, but the time piece and the over-scheduling piece and the paper clutter piece have been tougher nuts to crack for me, unless I do something completely different from the regular routine, like go hike on the Appalachian Trail for 6 months.

I can really feel the space opening.  I can see that there is room for everything I love, if I'm more thoughtful about what decisions I make.

Have you started your own 30 Day Challenge?  If not, is it time to begin?  What might shift for you in 30 days?

And speaking of shifting, did you know that I loved my Clarity and Connection retreat so much that I'm offering it again in September?  The early bird special ends August 7, so click here to see if it's right for you.  I just checked in with a retreat participant today and she's still feeling the positive effects four days later - she's incorporating what she gained from the retreat into her daily life, and that makes me SOOO excited!

Today I came close to finishing up my turtle drawing- just a little bit more detail and cleaning up to do -here's the current drawing:

and here's the photo that inspired it:

And best of all, I spent the morning in the swamp with a couple visiting from Italy - we host international visitors through an organization called SERVAS - so cool! Here's one of four alligators we saw this morning:

Yeah - wow - there's room for everything!

What are you doing differently to make room for what you love?

30 Day Challenge- Day 18 - when routines shift

So you're going along just fine with your new habit - you even made it through the doldrums!  And then your schedule shifts.  There's a trip, or a special occasion, an illness, or a really really busy day. What do you do?  Do you go ahead and skip a day?  If you do skip a day, does your silly little lizard tell you you have to start over, like life is some game of Candyland or Chutes and Ladders?  Does your mind want you to go back to "go" - and not give you any credit for what you've done so far?  Does your mind make it mean that you're a failure - does it say, "See?  I told you you wouldn't be able to pull this off."

Well, if you do find yourself skipping a day, remember that you don't need to believe any of that ridiculousness tossed out by your mind.  And that's what it is.  It's not true and it's not helpful. Remind yourself of that.

And maybe you don't have to skip a day.  Maybe you do the thing you've been working on at the end of the day.  Maybe you break it into a bunch of pieces.  Maybe you shift things slightly, but not all the way back to the way they were before you started your great new habit.

I'm hosting a retreat this weekend - a beautiful getaway for a small group of women seeking clarity and connection.  I've been busy today getting ready, and I'll be away from home for the next three days.  So I've been thinking about how I'm going to stick with my routines.  30 minutes of drawing and 10 minutes of silent time in nature will be no problem - they're practically built into the retreat.  I'll skip my ten minutes on the paper maintenance since I'll be away, and maybe add a few minutes on to paper management in the coming week.  Having a plan for a shift in routine really helps!

Today I let my inner 8-year-old come out and I just played with colors.  I didn't want to think about drawing, or value, or tone.  I just doodled.  Remember how soothing it was to decorate your notebooks in school?  That's how today felt.  Drawing hundreds of hearts over and over for about 15 minutes was almost like repeating a mantra.  Then I filled a page with colorful geometric shapes, trying to make it a game, making up rules for what the next shape or color or size would be, without focus on balance or composition.  Just pure play.  They look coolish when I keep them really small.

Grass time happened really late in the day today.  I had a lot of errands to run and coaching appointments this morning.  The gift of enjoying grass time late, still with a loyal cat by my side, was noticing the beautiful sky at sunset.  I've learned to ignore the vast number of power lines and the giant transformer and power pole when I look at the sky -- the camera has more difficulty editing it out.  See if you can focus on the sunset instead of the electrical paraphernalia.

Keep paying attention to the thoughts you have, especially if you skip a day.  Remember, you don't have to believe them.  Just start again tomorrow.  Don't let your mind make a federal case out of it.  Really.  It's kind of like the sky and the powerlines.  Which one do you want to focus on?

30 Day Challenge- Day 5: gratitude

No drawings to share today.  I did draw, and I'm still enjoying it, but the current drawing's in process and possibly a bit disastrous.  No worries- disastrous or not, it's soothing.  I put on Pandora to a nice calming station with a lot of Enya and Brian Eno and Hillary Stagg and Andreas Vollenweider, I set the timer and I draw.  I'm happy that I gave myself that gift again today, and I'm a little in awe that I'm going to continue to do that for twenty-five more days! I'm still enjoying grass time.  I had a bunch of meetings and calls this morning, so grass time happened in the late afternoon during a sun shower.  Glorious.  My sweetheart surprised me and snapped this pic- sadly, you can't see the light rain.

If you've missed it and want to know more about why grass time is so important to me, check out this recent post.

Part of my grass time routine is to read a an entry a day from Simple Abundance - and look what was included in today's piece:

"Please steal time every day, if you cannot find it in any other way, to lie on the grass, or in a hammock, under a huge tree this lovely month... and relax.  What a tonic this is for the soul!  What a rest for weary nerves!... The greatest need today is for calmer homes..." This was written by Nell B. Nichols way back in 1924.  Wow - still holds true today, don't you think?

I'm still reading Martha Beck's Four Day Win and applying it to my days - thus the decision to gift myself with creative play for my 30 day challenge instead of making another rule about managing my time - I have to believe that I will really give myself time to enjoy daily play before I ever get my head out of the "famine brain" concept of getting things done.

And it's working!  Here's an example.  Normally I put off going to the post office or bank for as long as possible. I've been known to show up at the bank with a month and a half of checks.  And these are deposits!  Crazy, I know!  I don't know why my nutty brain associates errands with some kind of apocalypse - as if it's going to take more than ten minutes to go to the bank.  Or even the post office!  My mind can start acting as if I'm about to plan an Everest expedition.

Now, since I'm giving myself time to enjoy what I love - to play at drawing with no agenda other than play - I'm filling my emotional coffers with self-compassion and self-love.  And don't ask me why this works, but from that brain state it's so much easier to get things done!  And this strategy holds true for weight loss.  Losing weight from a place of lack and punishment doesn't work well in the long run, and managing tasks and time from a place of lack and a screwy belief that there's not enough time to get things done and do what you love - that doesn't work either.

Martha Beck writes, "The opposite of fat is love."  And I'll add, "The opposite of clutter and time disorganization is love."  Martha encourages us to focus on appreciation and gratitude, and watch how it improves our health and well-being, and surprisingly, leads to leaner bodies and more organized homes!

I positively glowed with gratitude today.  I had lovely emails from friends, and some cheering on from a fellow coach. I sat in the grass in a sun shower, and the cat even joined me at the end.  I worked on my business and played.  I was practically floating from all the gratitude on my errands to the post office and bank, and I could feel that lightness spreading to the people around me.  And here's the cherry on top:  I got an unexpected check in the mail today - from my health insurance company of all places!  Close to $100!  And it's in the bank, not kicking around in a ten inch high pile of paper clutter!  That's a lot to be grateful for.

If you're struggling with something you're trying to change or improve in your life, see what happens when you make gratitude a daily practice.  Write down what you're grateful for and why.  See if it starts to make you feel better, lighter, more able to make the change you want to make.  And if you've played with gratitude lists in the past but slacked off recently, today is a great day to begin again.  I'd love to hear about your experiences with making gratitude a regular habit!

And here's one last thing to be grateful for:  purple coneflowers blooming!