SIMU - it's worse than FOMO!
Have you heard of FOMO? It stands for Fear Of Missing Out and I've seen it mentioned in at least a dozen places in recent months. Apparently, we're all way more susceptible to this now that we can't just see what the neighbors are doing, but instead we're plugged into everyone's life and their pretty photos of their cocktails or dance party or beach vacation or whatever. And Instagram filters make everything look so arty! While we plug into social media and all the rest of the media out there, instead of enjoying where we are, we wonder why we're not in Bali, or climbing some mountain in South America, or at that cool new restaurant that everyone is talking about. And we get all full of anxious chemicals. So we're usually instructed to unplug for goodness sake and pay attention to whatever we're actually doing. And/or take our own photos of cocktails or babies or cats or mountains - and enjoy how pretty they look on Instagram too! (At least this is what I do - I love an arty Instagram photo!) But there's something just as insidious as FOMO, at least for me. I call it SIMU and that stands for S#%t I Made Up. Or Stuff I Made Up if you prefer. And this is something I used to do to myself (honestly I still do it sometimes!) without any help or cocktail photos from anyone else. I would create gigantic lists of stuff that had to get done. I would come up with plans to do way more than is actually possible for someone like me who also likes to nap. And then I would fill up with anxious chemicals when I'd only do ten percent of it. I'd wake up stressing about how I was gonna get it all done and go to bed stressing about what I didn't do.
This wasn't stuff I had to do - it was Stuff I Made Up! In the world of self-help we can really make some serious lists of everything that's going to edify us and make us better people. But the truth is, none of it was crucial. If i didn't feel like yoga class one day, so what? If I didn't feel like writing in my journal, so what? If I didn't feel like blogging, the world would not stop. Slowly, slowly, I've been learning to stop stressing about self-imposed made up stuff, and get clearer and clearer about what it is that I actually want to do. Sometimes I want to practice yoga. Sometimes I want to blog. Often I want to write. I always want to read!
In the 21st century first world, pretty much everything we stress about is made up. By us. Fabricated. Most of what we tell others we're so busy doing and preparing for and overwhelmed by is purely by choice. We could survive, and potentially thrive, with way less. Sometimes the fabrications are created by society and culturally ingrained so they feel real, but they're still made up. Which means we have a choice.
I'm choosing to give up some of my SIMU in order to be able to savor whatever I'm doing in the moment. There is magic in what is happening now. Especially when I pick something to engage in that I love, that challenges me or piques my curiosity. Something I really want to do, not what I think I'm supposed to want to do. Something related to my own desires, not societal expectations.
And then I pick that thing and show up. All the way. All senses present. Instead of half there because my mind has drifted off to some other place in the past or future. Whether it's sitting in the grass doing nothing, practicing my French (still loving that!), writing a blog post or making a pie, I'm there. I might take an Instagram photo though- and make it all arty... :)
How about you? Have you discovered some SIMU recently that you don't feel like doing anymore? What would your summer feel like if you dumped the SIMU every day that you just don't want to do? Would that give you more time and space for the stuff you really care about, the stuff that you keep putting off?
If you want to chat about this further, come join my class tonight called Pie in the Sky -it's all about bringing back the fun and getting something done this summer, and one strategy is to dump your unwanted SIMU. And if you're reading this blog post way after the fact, the class will be recorded, so you can get it anytime!
Five ways I stopped letting money get in the way
I run into this situation with clients somewhat regularly. Something having to do with money is the obstacle keeping them from truly living the wild and precious lives they want. There's not enough money, they have a giant mortgage, moving to the place of their dreams (often near water) or going back to school would cost too much, etc., etc. Of course, there are plenty of facts to support their concerns. Some clients have some kind of major debt on top of everything else. And while I wish I did, I don't have a magic wand to wave around to make debt disappear, replaced by giant cartoon bags of money with dollar signs on the outside! (That would be cool, wouldn't it?)
What I can offer are some tools to turn the whole money puzzle around. About ten years ago, I figured out what to do over a series of years and months. A "perfect storm" of books and resources all seemingly magically showed up at about the same time, and I was ready to dive into their wisdom.
Years later, here are the five biggest takeaways that I've figured out that made a difference for us. They might do the same for you!
1. Pay attention. Most spending that we're sorry about later happens when we purposefully stop paying attention. We really don't want to know. Have you ever taken a receipt for a meal or an outfit or a cart of groceries and not even looked at it? Either tossed it away or shoved it back into your wallet? Have you said aloud or to yourself, "I don't even want to know how much that cost." Well, there you have it. Like a scientist doing an experiment, you have to start paying attention to the data and collecting some information, or you'll have no idea what's happening and you can't make a conclusion or analyze your results, or make changes that will work better for you in the future.
2. Stop trying to impress people. I know, I know. You think you don't do this. You're a well-adjusted person who makes choices based upon what you want. You don't care a bit what other people think. Well, perhaps your evolved self doesn't care, but I can almost guarantee there's at least some very tiny part of your brain that's keeping a pretty interesting tally of where you fit in a never-ending comparison game with others. With their cars, or their homes, or their vacations. Or the quality and value of their holiday gifts. Once you really figure out what you want and get off the status hamster wheel to nowhere, you might be really surprised at the number of cartoon money bags accumulating around your feet!
3. Avoid "budgeting". Setting up budgets and deprivational systems that don't take into account the surprise root canal or cat vet emergency or hole in the roof or sink that won't drain or stolen bicycle or car that died completely - these systems are almost always doomed to fail. (By the way, all the examples above happened to us in the past eight months! They will really put a wrench into any budget, let me tell you!) There are other great options (see #1 above) that will work just as well as budgeting and won't make you feel like you've failed when the unexpected expenses for the month add up to more than you'd budgeted for all of your food and incidentals combined.
4. Make it a game. Solving your money issues is so much more effective when you can have fun while doing it! Contests with yourself or family members, charts, challenges, stickers - you'd be surprised how well these types of methods will work. How much fun can you have with just $5? Try that one today!
5. Figure out what's enough for you. You have to master #2 to really pull this one off. This is my favorite and most important step and it will completely turn around your money situation. Figuring out what's enough seems so simple, but you have to realize that there are outside forces all around you sending messages of lack and need, creating wants you didn't even know you had. It's called advertising, and no matter how smart you are, it works. On you.
These are just a few of the things we've learned (you can see they're common sense and don't involve anything creepy or complicated like a pyramid scheme or buying foreclosed properties.) And we have no debt whatsoever. Even our house is paid for. We have enough liquid to live on for a year or more if we really needed to. We have retirement funds. We have a really happy life with plenty of trips and vacations (This year, a conference in Arizona, hiking on the AT for a week, three different beach trips, a mastermind coach weekend, a road trip to the mountains of Colorado, a trip to see family in Baltimore, a fall camping trip, and a New Orleans staycation getaway!) Our fridge is full of delicious and indulgent food. You get the picture.
And we did this with a very moderate amount coming in - at first two teachers' salaries and now just one teacher salary and one entrepreneur income. You don't need to be making six figures or even half that to transform your relationship with money. Give these tips a try and see what happens!
And check out The Indulgent Path to Money Management - a course I offer both virtually and locally a few times a year - if you'd like more support in living a happy life with the money you have.